Talk It Out and Understanding
Posted on | September 27, 2009 | No Comments
Some women would rather get mad at a man and hope the man figures out what’s bugging her. I can speak for most men and say we are not mind readers. Men get alot of flack for being immature in relationships and some of it deservedly so. But I think this is one of those ways women to be immature about things as well. It’s just too much to ask of another person to read your mind and assume we know what’s bugging you while you play passive aggressive and give the silent treatment. It’s not a productive way to manage and grow a relationship.
But any girl who gets angry and emotional and can then talk it out with the guy in question deserves alot of credit in my book. It takes a certain level of maturity to not just start talking about the issue but also try to understand the guy’s position as well. Miscommunication occurs all the time between Mars and Venus. I think some women would rather just have it their way and want the guy to apologize just so she can feel better. The rationale being that if she’s upset, then she must be in the right. But we all know that isn’t true.
Point being? Give credit to any woman who is willing to talk it out rather than continue playing that passive aggressive silent treatment game. Give another point to her if she is willing to put her ego aside and take the time to understand your side of things. And give one more point if she’ll call you the next day to see if you want to hang out again despite the fact that there was a hiccup the night before.
Thanks!
Posted on | August 13, 2009 | No Comments
I got the following handwritten note from just giving out some business advice and encouragement to a friend. Hadn’t received one of these in a long time. Certainly appreciated. Suffice to say that taking the time to say thanks like this goes a long way. But I’m still looking for the gift card that was supposed to be attached to this? 
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- thank you image
In Business, Just Be “Good Enough”
Posted on | July 26, 2009 | No Comments
I was reading an email from a friend who is contemplating going on her own and launching her own business. She had many excuses for not launching her own business at this time. The recession, lack of knowledge and experience were just a few. I am sure that when she manages to overcome those concerns and start moving along, she’ll have a new set of challenges. One of those challenges is trying to perfect her internal systems, methodologies, and sales pitches. She, like many of us starting out, will want try to achive perfectionism and dare I say, greatness, in the beginning.
In the American business marketplace today, we shouldn’t have to worry about being “great”, “remarkable”, or other terms that gurus have coined throughout the years. Instead, we should focus on just being “good enough.” Read more
Things That A Guy Shouldn’t Do To A Girl
Posted on | June 25, 2009 | 1 Comment
A few things that a guy shouldn’t do to a girl. I’m sure I’ll find more as people chime in with their comments. I will update periodically. Read more
3rd Annual Dean’s List. 2008-2009
Posted on | June 1, 2009 | 6 Comments
I must admit that this entry is nearly 5 months overdue. For those of who do not know, for the past two years, I have published the annual Dean’s List. It’s a list of people whom I had built up a significant relationship with and they have, in some way, made an impact on my life for that year. It’s almost like a gratitude list. I’m simply acknowledging and giving thanks to these people because I know that I could not accomplish anything in my life without the relationships that I have built, personally and professionally. Here is last year’s Dean’s List and 2006-2007 entry.
You may be wondering why I am only now publishing this list when I typically do it at the beginning of the year. To be honest, I felt that I lost my own way recently. I had lost my faith in people. Last year was a tumultuous year for me and I had lost trust in quite a few people whom I thought were friends. In many regards, those experiences left a sour taste in my mouth.
So why now? Well, I have just come back from a workshop hosted by, Keith Ferrazi, author of the best-seller, Never Eat Alone. His event talked about his new book, Whose Got Your Back, and preached the importance of how relationships are integral to accomplishing what we want in life.
As I listened to him, I was constantly reminded of the goal that I had set for myself 2 years ago and how my relationships would play an important role. I soon realized that I needed to snap out of it and get back to basics. I need to get back to the old me. I had to hold back tears because listening to him was a reminder that I was just letting myself down.
Those who know me well know that I’m a student of networking and have tried to hone it down to an art and science. Over the years, I’ve learned many tactics and strategies to become better at building relationships. In all my years of networking and meetings thousands of people, I had one question that I could never find the answer to. My gut told me to attend tonight because there might be a good chance that I’d find the answer. And I did.
I’m glad that I came because I needed this. So thanks to Keith, I managed to find the time to publish this list and give a simple thanks to those below. And of course, I intend to build that team that Keith preached tonight and I’m already working on building that out as we speak.
I am recommitting myself to the vision that I had built for myself two years ago again. Life often throws hardships at you and prevents you from achieving certain dreams because it wants to see if you have a dream that’s truly worth chasing.
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Lucy Long- I’m glad that you reconnected to me after nearly a decade. You are genuinely a nice person who deserves a lot. I’m glad that I’m one of the few guys that you’ve let ‘in’.
Kady Chiu- You must’ve known something that I didn’t know when we first met. I don’t think that we can call each other hybrid friends anymore. Perhaps the word, friends, is good enough now. Because regardless of context, business or social, that’s what we are. Your enthusiasm and generosity is your biggest strength and I hope you wouldn’t change that.
Christian Oh- After years of hibernation, we have somehow reconnected. And I think that we have more in common today than just poker. You connect unselfishly and are always inclusive. Out of all the people I know, I can’t even think about one person who has both those traits.
Rick Dassler- I would’ve never thought that you’d make this list two years in a row! But congratulations my friend. Because that’s what you are. I have safely taken away the ‘business’ part from ‘business friends’ and just made it friends. I know you’ve had a tough year but I know you’ll come out stronger and wiser than ever before. You’re one of the few that I can go to for insight on the issues of life.
JC Duarte- You helped me through a lot of challenges that I had with, well, you know : ) Your advice is worth its weight in gold. Please know that your advice and insight really helped me a lot and gave clarity when I needed it the most with women. I hope that someday, the world will know of “The Charming Guy”.
Grace Lee- I really mean it when I say that the money I paid for at the event that we met at was worth it. I would’ve gladly paid three times the amount to have built a genuine friendship with someone like you. You always get back to me, a great conversationalist, and always show a genuine interest.
Latosha Frink- You are also a surprise to me. I’m glad to have spent time with you last year and gotten to know and you me. As different as we may be on the outside, we share many similarities and values. I couldn’t ask for a better sidekick with my adventure group. Mature, down-to-earth, and always reaching out to others.
Minh Tran- There was a time last year that I knew I needed to develop some guy friendships. And then that’s when you came along. I value the time and the wisecracks we’ve made along the way. Thanks for just being.
Kathleen Smart- The only thing that I regret is that we never got a chance to truly follow through on our project. It’s not the project that I miss so much. It’s more the fact that I missed the opportunity to work in collaboration with the quintessential giver. I couldn’t do you justice by just calling you a good networker. But I hope that I’d do justice by saying that your kindness, enthusiasm, and dependability are the traits that I hope any business person or person should learn to live by. Perhaps we’ll find a way to work together again this year. One only hopes.
Zakia Williams- For a short moment in time, we shared many laughs and stories together. You’re one of the funniest and inclusive people that I know. I’m genuinely glad to have reconnected after so many years.
Kate Lim- For the person whom I name the Amazing Dinner after. An amazing person yourself. Watching you in action has given me the drive to recommit to my own dreams. I value every conversation, laugh, and moment that we ever shared.
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My goal with this entry is the following and I hope you’ll take it to heart;
- To be a reminder and encourage excellence in all types of encounters and relationships that you build with people. To help encourage you to build your own list and thank those people who came along the way.
- To publicly acknowledge those who made the most impact with me for the past year. Sometimes a simple acknowledgment of another person’s contribution is often enough for them. People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.
- To reinitiate and start a conversation with many of you who I have not seen or heard from in a while. Maintaining a large and growing network with hundreds of people is seriously a lot of hard work.
- Last but not least, to let you know that I’m not as mean as I may come off at times. Even brutally honest and candid people like me still have a heart
Poem: Flirting With You
Posted on | June 1, 2009 | No Comments
I think this is one way of describing how flirting feels. I hope you enjoy.
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I flirt with you because it’s all that I know how to do.
I flirt with you because there’s something there that I think can be true.
I flirt with you exuding a small inkling of boyish charm.
I flirt with you thinking that there’s simply no harm.
I flirt with you even in the face of uncertainty.
I flirt with you thinking that this could lead to eternity.
I flirt with you because inside of me was something that I couldn’t deny.
I flirt with you hoping… that you’ll give us a try.
5 Reasons Why Every Guy Should Learn To Cook.
Posted on | May 29, 2009 | No Comments
I’ve only been proactively learning how to cook as of this year. I’ve cooked in the past but it’s only this year that I’ve taken it up with a fervor and really experimented with ingredients and dishes of all types. Read more
An Open Letter To Women (and Men) On Courtesy and Dating.
Posted on | May 5, 2009 | 3 Comments
The following is an email letter I wrote to a girl who didn’t have the courage to say ‘no’ to me when I asked her for a follow-up date. It’s self-explanatory. I publish this because I would hope it gives food for thought for both men and women in how you treat others. Not just in dating, but in life.
My real message is in the last four paragraphs where I talk about how our interactions with others are the most important experiences in our lives and how it shapes us going forward, especially in love and romance.
“When faced with making a tough decision, that is actually the Universe giving you an opportunity to prove your character.” ~Dean
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Dear Sharon-
It took me awhile to figure this out but now I know why I was so bothered by something on your part. Let me explain;
It just bothered me that I would follow up twice with you to get together (for us to meet on a Friday only and then for a Sunday). And you would say you’d get back to me upon checking your schedule. And then on both times, you never got back to me and I was left with a wasted weekend. Obviously, you never had any interests in going out again. And that’s fine. Read more
A Toast To My 31st.
Posted on | April 15, 2009 | 1 Comment
Last night at my birthday dinner, I performed a simple exercise to show appreciation for a cast of characters that I call friends. Most birthday parties are usually about making the birthday person the center of attention. I wanted to do the opposite and for a few minutes, make each person the center of attention instead. But more importantly, I wanted to get a point across. Read more
How Jews and Koreans Are Alike And What They Can Teach You To Survive In This Economy.
Posted on | April 12, 2009 | 1 Comment
[Warning: I take some of my political correctness off in this entry. So please, no hate mail. Oh wait, I was never politically correct to begin with!]
I have always joked that Koreans were the Asian versions of Jewish people. They share very similar characteristics that helps me draw this comparison.
Of all the ethnicities and cultures that have come to this country and thrived, I would say that Koreans and Jews are two cultures that are at the top of the list. Jewish people have done very well in this country and are well represented in many aspects of private and public sectors. The same goes for Koreans. I would say that they, more than any other Asian Culture, have succeeded in penetrating mainstream America. They are relatively well represented.
And now, we can learn from them and apply similar traits to succeed as well especially during such tough economic times. I can name two traits that come to mind.
First, Jews and Koreans are known for being notoriously cheap er frugal. When I delivered pizza as a part time job back in college, my fellow pizza drivers would always joke that we knew we were not going to get a good tip if the last name on the pizza box was a Lee or a Goldberg. I can still remember the remarks, “Damn Dean. 30 dollar order and you’re lucky if you get $2 from Mr. Park.” Most times, but not all, they were right. Ah, those were the days. We thanked the Pizza Gods that we only had to deliver to a Kim or a Feinstein a couple times a night.
But you know what? In this economy, you need to save your money as much as possible. So stop spending so much on needless things that won’t get you anywhere. Learn to prioritize and realize that that jacket from Neimen Marcus isn’t going to help you survive in this economy. Be financially disciplined. Know your priorities. Mr. Oh sure does.
Second, the other trait that has helped Jews and Koreans (or Joreans or Kews) get ahead in society is their ability to support each other. There has been a double-edged perception to them though. Some of us see both cultures as preferring to being to their own kind and being rather reclusive. While others have simply seen them as supporting their own kind. I suppose the truth lies somewhere in the middle.
Regardless, of how you see it, they have built a robust community where they support their own. Remember the Virginia Tech rampage shooting from a couple of years ago? The killer was a Korean. I thought it was so weird that the entire Korean community came out united and were so apologetic for one of their own having committed such a heinous act. They really didn’t have to considering it was not their fault. But I thought that was very touching they would accept some personal responsibility during that time.
In some regards, you can say that these two cultures truly understand successful networking principles. They understand they it takes a village to raise a child. They are there in support of each other. By supporting their own, they have created a viable and sustainable ecosystem that helps them gain a competitive advantage in this country.
Are you there for your own? In this economy, you need to understand effective networking principles. It’s not just about furthering your endeavors, but also learning to support your network’s endeavors. Remember- If it’s win/win then we’re all in (Deanism). You need to give to get. What can you do to support your network? How can all of us support each other through tough these economic times? We need to understand that united we stand, divided we fall. We are not an island unto ourselves. This is the networked economy.
Hey, say what you want of both cultures, but they’ve done very well for themselves in this melting pot that we call the U.S.A. Learning to be more financially disciplined and developing powerful relationship building skills that are supportive of each other are timeless traits that any person should learn.
Now if you excuse me, writing this entry has caused me to develop a craving for some bulgogi.
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