Finding Solace In My Refuge

Posted on | October 27, 2009 | 1 Comment

It’s where I am when I want to get my frustration out. All that anger and dissapointment I build up during the course of the day gets let out here.

For 2 hours, I can do what I want against whoever I want. It’s where I can let out my pent up anger that I keep bottled up during the course of the day or the week. Any hurt, frustration, or dissapointment I’ve incurred gets let out here.

When I have that ball in my hand, I feel the power that may have been taken away from me from someone else. I know when my defender is weak against me. I know when I see vulnerability. That’s the opportunity that I’m looking for. That’s when I attack and make him pay. To make him regret taking me on. I want to let you know that my day was tougher than yours and I’m going to show you by exerting my will on you. I want you to know that you were wrong for prejudging me and I’m going to make you pay by blowing right past you.

When I bring that ball up court, I’m the leader on the floor. That’s my mindset. I direct traffic. I’m the general. I’m in charge. You want me, come get me.

The more aggressive my defender becomes, the more aggressive I become. I want that ball in my hand as much as possible. It’s when my feet are dancing and I’m herky jerky against the defender that I know I am at my best and he can’t stop me. I see weakness in his defensive stance because he can’t figure out which direction I’m going. I got him.

When he goes straight up against me, I make the decision to go straight at him. If he defends me too tight, I make him pay with a spin move. Whatever it takes to let him know that this moment is mine and he won’t take it away from me. I need it more than he does.

This is where I go to find my solace. To find peace away from all the daily distractions and frustration I have with people. It’s my two hours away from any hurt I’ve incurred. This is my refuge from the world.

Category: Me

Song Lyrics- Tonight, Tonight.

Posted on | October 21, 2009 | No Comments

Feeling it in the air tonight
Can you grasp what I’m feeling
Can you touch what I’m seeing
When the world goes silent
And everything just feels alright

It’s just you and me
Walking the streets without any real care
Hand in hand while we dare
Dare each other to air those emotions
That we’ve been keeping in motion

Just one of those nights
We’ll go the extra mile for each other, for another
Let’s keep this going,
Knowing that we don’t owe each other
Yeah, that’s right
Just one of those nights that we won’t be denying, never fighting
Cause it’s tonight, tonight

Category: Words

Song Lyrics- Love Rioting

Posted on | October 15, 2009 | 1 Comment

Some new lyrics I wrote. I call it Love Rioting.

The lyrics contains a mashup of feelings…what it’s like trying to express that love inside and trying to let it out, trying to let her know about it, and how tough it is to keep it inside until it ultimately has to come out.

Partly inspired by Jennifer Hudson’s ability to sing ‘Spotlight’. She has such a strong voice. Below is video of Marie Hui who sings the song. That ability to belt out the tunes starting at the 3.00 minute mark is the sort of feelings I’m trying to encapsulate. Please let me know what you think…always appreciate the feedback.

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From the very first time we laid eyes
There was something there that I won’t deny
Not something I could rid of
Not something I wanted to sweep away
Baby, that night I let you have your way

Now here I am, left with something of urge
I can’t fight this off
Gone 6 rounds and it’s almost lights out
Can’t go no more, cuz I’m just ready to shout

This, this something inside
These feelings, these feelings are my own
Only accepting it and something that I’m wanting shown

It’s bursting out and wanting to sing
It’s wanting to come out and not feel like dying
Welcome, cuz this is my love rioting

No one can keep this locked up
Maximum security won’t keep this inside
Please just accept it and don’t deny
That this is just my love rioting

Oh can’t you see what I see
Come on in cuz I’ve got this opening
All I got is this one-heart vacancy
It’s all for just you and me

I can’t run, I can’t flee
From these feelings raging all inside me
Baby, I’ve got it inside cuz I’m a fighter
So don’t be resisting cuz I don’t tire

6 more rounds I’m ready for more
To convince you that this love ain’t dying
6 more rounds I got for fighting
It’s all inside, it’s all my love rioting

Category: Words

31 Ways To Build A Network and Develop Social Currency

Posted on | October 12, 2009 | 6 Comments

Today, people look at me and will say something to the effect, “Yeah, Dean knows everybody.” Or “He’s connected.” I’ve never felt that way about myself.

I think we often see the end result, but we never see the journey itself. A little unknown fact about me is that I rebuilt an entire new network starting 3 years ago. Like some of you, I only had several friends left. And even with them, I felt like we were going in different directions. Thus began a personal journey for me to rebuild an entirely new network. When you think about it, that’s very scary. It’s not like we’re still in college and have ample opportunities to meet others within the same demographics. Things are alot tougher when you’re in the real world, as they say.

I don’t believe success in anything is ever by luck. It can come through a conscious deliberative effort. The following is a collection of things that I’ve done over the past several years to help me get where I am today.

Summer is gone and Fall is here. For many, it’s back to school or back to business. For me, this time of the year means we’re in the final stretch. It’s the fourth quarter. It’s the time I use to hunker down and focus on finishing the year with a bang, professionally and socially. A big part of ending the year with a bang is focusing on the relationships that matter the most. This means sustaining current ones but also building new ones.

Why did I write this?

I have several reasons why I wrote this:

It’s been in my head for at least a year and only now am I inspired enough to write it.
To offer inspiration and direction to anyone who wants to build or rebuild a social network. It is often said that in a crowded room is alot of lonely spirits. I live in a city where many people put up walls and barriers. Basically, it can be tough to make friends here…or so I’m told.
To dispel the myth to some of you know that the “connected” have always been connected. For most people, it’s simply taking a journey.

Much of what I say below may be common sense to many of you. But common sense isn’t so common nowadays, now is it? Feel free to forward this or even internalize it yourself.

Make a decision to no longer have excuses. (eg; too tired, no money, don’t know people at an event, etc…)
Follow up- 90% of people never follow up with others after an event.
Know that others are just as shy as you are. So take the lead on everything. Be a leader
Organize your own events or volunteer to be an assistant organizer for some social networking group
Use your preferred social networking site to stay in touch (eg; Facebook, Myspace)
Don’t burn bridges unless you absolutely have to.
Practice, practice, practice. Practice the art of conversation. Practice listening. Practice following up.
Show energy. The universe is energy. People are attracted to others who show energy.
Show initiative. Be the first to introduce yourself. Be the first to take the lead in a social setting.
Be consistent and persistent. Don’t worry if you didn’t make a new friend after 1 or 2 events. You have to keep doing it.
Be flexible. Certain types of events may not be for you. Be cognizant of that and attend events or outings that play to your strengths.
Be trusting. Nobody wants to befriend someone who can’t be trusted.
Learn to be funny. People like to feel good. That’s why we like hanging around people who are funny.
Reach out. Everyone has busy lives and sometimes you have to just pick up the phone and reach out to others. Every now and then I would just randomly call or email someone whom I haven’t heard from in 6 months. They almost always give me the time of day.
Have strong values. A friend once told me that my values is the ultimate filter and decides whom I let in or keep out of my personal network. I now understand what he means by this.
Understand that networking is a life long process. You can’t just do it for a couple of years and stop. People come and go in your lives and but you have to keep going.
Be optimistic. Nobody wants to be around a naysayer. Remember; like attracts like.
Be interesting. Have interesting hobbies. Develop interesting stories. People like to be around others who are interesting.
Connect. Once you have a robust network, start connecting and introducing people to each other. People like to be around others who are bridging relationships.
Give as much as you get. I don’t ask anything of another person that I myself cannot give to the relationship. Give as much as you get out of a relationship. In fact, give more than what you get.
Start with small talk, but finish with big talk. I hate small talk. I’m never good at it. But I can manage it to the point that I start talking more important things with that person. What’s big talk? My answer is anything that matters to that person. Dreams, adventures, and aspirations are common examples of big talk.
Be honest. For better or worse, I’m candid with most people. They may not always like what I have to say, but at least they have peace of mind knowing that if I have something to say to them, that I will say it to their face rather than be two-faced about it. Be honest and candid with others. Most of them will appreciate it.
Value loose relationships. Not everyone is going to be your next BFF. There is a lot of value in having loose relationships. These people may be able to provide your next job, make an introduction to your next significant other, or create value in other ways you haven’t thought of yet.
Be reliable. Nobody wants to be around someone who flakes out or doesn’t keep his or her word.
Be tolerant. Not everyone thinks like you or shares similar views. Learn to accept others as they are. Value the differences.
Be responsive. I do my best to respond to every email or phone call. If you have a habit of not getting back to people, you are essentially saying that you don’t value the other person’s presence. People will eventually notice and no longer reach out to you.
Say “Yes!” Jim Carey’s movie, “Yesman” taught a very valuable lesson- learn to say to be open to opportunities. Saying no too often means turning down opportunities. Not every opportunity will immediately reveal its benefits to you. Think of it as God’s way of testing to see how much faith you really have in the universe. Basically, be open-minded.
Give the benefit of the doubt. Most people mean well even if they don’t communicate it properly. I found the number one reason most conflicts occur in friendships or even romantic ones are those where one or both parties aren’t giving each other the benefit of the doubt. We all communicate differently. Learn to be understanding of the other person especially when they say something that may irk you. Most people mean well.
Get out of your comfort zone. It’s very tough to get out and meet complete strangers in any setting. But no one is ever gonna come to you. Realize that and keep going.
Picture them naked. That’s the saying they give to calm those speaking in front of a crowd. If you strip most people of their “superficial armor”, such as their clothes, how they look, and titles, you’ll find them to be just like you. They probably share the same dreams, aspirations, and goals like you.
One at a time. That’s one of my mantras. Like dating, I build my social network with one conversation at a time. One outing at a time. One person at a time.

Relationships are the currency that powers your personal economy. Use it wisely.

Category: Relationships

Talk It Out and Understanding

Posted on | September 27, 2009 | No Comments

Some women would rather get mad at a man and hope the man figures out what’s bugging her. I can speak for most men and say we are not mind readers. Men get alot of flack for being immature in relationships and some of it deservedly so. But I think this is one of those ways women to be immature about things as well. It’s just too much to ask of another person to read your mind and assume we know what’s bugging you while you play passive aggressive and give the silent treatment. It’s not a productive way to manage and grow a relationship.

But any girl who gets angry and emotional and can then talk it out with the guy in question deserves alot of credit in my book. It takes a certain level of maturity to not just start talking about the issue but also try to understand the guy’s position as well. Miscommunication occurs all the time between Mars and Venus. I think some women would rather just have it their way and want the guy to apologize just so she can feel better. The rationale being that if she’s upset, then she must be in the right. But we all know that isn’t true.

Point being? Give credit to any woman who is willing to talk it out rather than continue playing that passive aggressive silent treatment game. Give another point to her if she is willing to put her ego aside and take the time to understand your side of things. And give one more point if she’ll call you the next day to see if you want to hang out again despite the fact that there was a hiccup the night before.

Category: Relationships

Thanks!

Posted on | August 13, 2009 | No Comments

I got the following handwritten note from just giving out some business advice and encouragement to a friend. Hadn’t received one of these in a long time. Certainly appreciated. Suffice to say that taking the time to say thanks like this goes a long way. But I’m still looking for the gift card that was supposed to be attached to this?

: thank you image

Category: Relationships

In Business, Just Be “Good Enough”

Posted on | July 26, 2009 | No Comments

I was reading an email from a friend who is contemplating going on her own and launching her own business. She had many excuses for not launching her own business at this time. The recession, lack of knowledge and experience were just a few. I am sure that when she manages to overcome those concerns and start moving along, she’ll have a new set of challenges. One of those challenges is trying to perfect her internal systems, methodologies, and sales pitches. She, like many of us starting out, will want try to achive perfectionism and dare I say, greatness, in the beginning.

In the American business marketplace today, we shouldn’t have to worry about being “great”, “remarkable”, or other terms that gurus have coined throughout the years. Instead, we should focus on just being “good enough.” Read more

Category: Business

Things That A Guy Shouldn’t Do To A Girl

Posted on | June 25, 2009 | 1 Comment

A few things that a guy shouldn’t do to a girl. I’m sure I’ll find more as people chime in with their comments. I will update periodically. Read more

Category: Me, Relationships

3rd Annual Dean’s List. 2008-2009

Posted on | June 1, 2009 | 6 Comments

deanslist_20091

I must admit that this entry is nearly 5 months overdue. For those of who do not know, for the past two years, I have published the annual Dean’s List. It’s a list of people whom I had built up a significant relationship with and they have, in some way, made an impact on my life for that year. It’s almost like a gratitude list. I’m simply acknowledging and giving thanks to these people because I know that I could not accomplish anything in my life without the relationships that I have built, personally and professionally. Here is last year’s Dean’s List and 2006-2007 entry.

You may be wondering why I am only now publishing this list when I typically do it at the beginning of the year. To be honest, I felt that I lost my own way recently. I had lost my faith in people. Last year was a tumultuous year for me and I had lost trust in quite a few people whom I thought were friends. In many regards, those experiences left a sour taste in my mouth.

So why now? Well, I have just come back from a workshop hosted by, Keith Ferrazi, author of the best-seller, Never Eat Alone. His event talked about his new book, Whose Got Your Back, and preached the importance of how relationships are integral to accomplishing what we want in life.

As I listened to him, I was constantly reminded of the goal that I had set for myself 2 years ago and how my relationships would play an important role. I soon realized that I needed to snap out of it and get back to basics. I need to get back to the old me. I had to hold back tears because listening to him was a reminder that I was just letting myself down.

Those who know me well know that I’m a student of networking and have tried to hone it down to an art and science. Over the years, I’ve learned many tactics and strategies to become better at building relationships. In all my years of networking and meetings thousands of people, I had one question that I could never find the answer to. My gut told me to attend tonight because there might be a good chance that I’d find the answer. And I did.

I’m glad that I came because I needed this. So thanks to Keith, I managed to find the time to publish this list and give a simple thanks to those below. And of course, I intend to build that team that Keith preached tonight and I’m already working on building that out as we speak.

I am recommitting myself to the vision that I had built for myself two years ago again. Life often throws hardships at you and prevents you from achieving certain dreams because it wants to see if you have a dream that’s truly worth chasing.

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Lucy Long- I’m glad that you reconnected to me after nearly a decade. You are genuinely a nice person who deserves a lot. I’m glad that I’m one of the few guys that you’ve let ‘in’.

Kady Chiu- You must’ve known something that I didn’t know when we first met. I don’t think that we can call each other hybrid friends anymore. Perhaps the word, friends, is good enough now. Because regardless of context, business or social, that’s what we are. Your enthusiasm and generosity is your biggest strength and I hope you wouldn’t change that.

Christian Oh- After years of hibernation, we have somehow reconnected. And I think that we have more in common today than just poker. You connect unselfishly and are always inclusive. Out of all the people I know, I can’t even think about one person who has both those traits.

Rick Dassler- I would’ve never thought that you’d make this list two years in a row! But congratulations my friend. Because that’s what you are. I have safely taken away the ‘business’ part from ‘business friends’ and just made it friends. I know you’ve had a tough year but I know you’ll come out stronger and wiser than ever before. You’re one of the few that I can go to for insight on the issues of life.

JC Duarte- You helped me through a lot of challenges that I had with, well, you know : ) Your advice is worth its weight in gold. Please know that your advice and insight really helped me a lot and gave clarity when I needed it the most with women. I hope that someday, the world will know of “The Charming Guy”.

Grace Lee- I really mean it when I say that the money I paid for at the event that we met at was worth it. I would’ve gladly paid three times the amount to have built a genuine friendship with someone like you. You always get back to me, a great conversationalist, and always show a genuine interest.

Latosha Frink- You are also a surprise to me. I’m glad to have spent time with you last year and gotten to know and you me. As different as we may be on the outside, we share many similarities and values. I couldn’t ask for a better sidekick with my adventure group. Mature, down-to-earth, and always reaching out to others.

Minh Tran- There was a time last year that I knew I needed to develop some guy friendships. And then that’s when you came along. I value the time and the wisecracks we’ve made along the way. Thanks for just being.

Kathleen Smart- The only thing that I regret is that we never got a chance to truly follow through on our project. It’s not the project that I miss so much. It’s more the fact that I missed the opportunity to work in collaboration with the quintessential giver. I couldn’t do you justice by just calling you a good networker. But I hope that I’d do justice by saying that your kindness, enthusiasm, and dependability are the traits that I hope any business person or person should learn to live by. Perhaps we’ll find a way to work together again this year. One only hopes.

Zakia Williams- For a short moment in time, we shared many laughs and stories together. You’re one of the funniest and inclusive people that I know. I’m genuinely glad to have reconnected after so many years.

Kate Lim- For the person whom I name the Amazing Dinner after. An amazing person yourself. Watching you in action has given me the drive to recommit to my own dreams. I value every conversation, laugh, and moment that we ever shared.

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My goal with this entry is the following and I hope you’ll take it to heart;

To be a reminder and encourage excellence in all types of encounters and relationships that you build with people. To help encourage you to build your own list and thank those people who came along the way.
To publicly acknowledge those who made the most impact with me for the past year. Sometimes a simple acknowledgment of another person’s contribution is often enough for them. People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.
To reinitiate and start a conversation with many of you who I have not seen or heard from in a while. Maintaining a large and growing network with hundreds of people is seriously a lot of hard work.
Last but not least, to let you know that I’m not as mean as I may come off at times. Even brutally honest and candid people like me still have a heart

Category: Relationships