This is a poem I just wrote and finished. This goes out to anyone who relished and savored every moment with that person and that night.

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Let me savor every moment that I’m with you.
Let me define the following reality that I know to be true;

I savor every peck and every kiss,
For this is how it feels to be in eternal bliss.

I savor how you look me over with your piercing glance,
For I know it was more than mere happenstance.

I savor every time that I make you laugh,
For tonight, it just feels like you’re my other half.

I savor every time that you lend me your smile,
For I know it confirms what was previously in such denial.

I savor every time you touch and hold me,
For I know without it, I couldn’t exist much less be.

So let me savor your touch while I hold your hand,
Because we may be here tomorrow, or not again.

I had this conversation with him about girls and he seems paralyzed by his own fears when it comes to women. There are women he knows that he would like to ask out but he gets so nervous and intimated by them and their beauty. I’ve seen these girls and they aren’t too bad. He has good tastes.

I was once him a long time ago. I think many guys were or are. We’d get nervous, couldn’t speak much less carry a conversation even if we had a date, and the concept of rejection by a pretty girl was just too much.

I try my best to encourage him but I think that this is something that he’ll have to figure out on his own.  He is a prisoner of his own mind and his possibilities are limited by his fears.

I think in situations such as these, he should do what I call an “inventory check”. Basically, do a t-chart. One column has him in it and the other column has the girl in it. And then start listing all the great qualities that he has going for himself. Any good confident man should be able to list 5-10 qualities about himself.

And then he should list all the qualities that he sees in the girl that he’s interested in. If he barely knows anything about her, then suffice to say, that he can only think of several.

It doesn’t take a mathmetician to figure out that his list of qualities outweighs her lists at this point. This should provide enough of a confidence boosts to him to see that he has alot going for himself and should approach her like that. I think most guys tend to do well with the girl after a few dates are under their belt but it’s the initial approach that scares alot of guys. So much of it is what is in our head. ‘It’s all mental’, is a favorite saying of mine. I was thinking that this t-charting is a little psychological trick that could possibly work for some guys who need that push in the beginning.

People are just people and that goes for pretty women too. They have their little insecurities and issues like the rest of us do. I don’t see a need for any of us to put other people on a pedestal. People are just people.

Case in point:

I have 2 friends (guy and girl) who I thought should meet each other and see where it might go. I thought they would look cute together. So here is how I set them up;

I emailed both privately and showed them a picture of each other along with some mutual interests that they both shared. Both liked what they saw and agreed to an introduction by me. I made an email introduction whereby I edified both sides and said that I thought they should meet for a drink. Nothing too high pressure. I didn’t expect for wedding bells to ring but at least they might make a new friend.

That was almost 2 weeks ago. I decided to follow up with my guy friend to see if anything occurred. Apparently, she never responded back to his email. And this is after she agreed to the introduction.

That just ticked me off big time. This was really the straw that broke the camel’s back with this girl. It’s the same person who, on several occasions, doesn’t respond back to my phone messages that I leave. I actually let those go as I didn’t think the time and energy to put into chiding her was worth it. But when you do it to one of my own friends then that really tees me off after I just spoke highly of you.

As a disclaimer, let me say that I understand we all lead busy lives. But quite frankly, that has become (especially here in DC) one of the biggest bullshit excuses that I’ve ever heard of. I run my own business, have clients to report to, run my own social networking group, have friends that I respond to, and a host of other responsibilities and demands on a daily and weekly basis. I know that I get more emails and phone calls on a daily basis that I have to respond to, than this girl or most people do. I’ll bet drinks on it.

And I’d say about 90% of all queries from clients, friends, acquaintances, and other encounters are responded to in a timely manner. 48 hours is typically a rule of thumb for me. My social and professional network is far bigger than hers and the average person. And yet, I still prioritize appropriately. Anyone who knows me knows that I get back to them in a timely manner. That is how I managed to build my network in the first place.

Hell, I know single mothers who not only have to parent a few kids, but also have a company to run, and a host of other responsibilities on their plate. And you’re telling me that you can’t respond to a basic email? Why? Because you’re ‘busy’? Gimme a break. Id rather you say that that response or query was not a high priority rather than say you’re busy. I can assure you that had someone put a gun to your head and asked you to make time for that piece of communication, then you’d put in the extra 2 minutes to pick up the phone or email a response. So it really had nothing to do with busyness. It has more to do with priorities.

People today are socially lazy. How often do I hear people say that they want to “meet new people” and “make new friends.” And yet, they lack the basic forms of respect and etiquette that is required to build and maintain these relationships. A monkey can meet new people. But it takes a higher sophisticated life form to actually turn these casual encounters into a solid friendship whereby trust and respect forms the foundation of that friendship.

I can forgive the occasional memory lapse. It happens to everyone. I’m not an etiquette Nazi by any stretch of the imagination. But consistent lapse in judgment like this is completely uncalled for.

It was never that strong of a friendship between her and I as we were more friendly acquaintances than real friends. Though, I do enjoy my company with her and have respect for her. Otherwise, I would’ve never made the introduction between her and my guy friend.  I do value all relationships that I make but I don’t compromise on my beliefs and values for anyone. And I’m simply not just going to keep my mouth shut to avoid confrontation.

I know my guy friend would forgive me as he’s an adult and can take it. But that really doesn’t matter. If you say you are going to follow through on something, then follow through. A man is only as good as his word. Same goes for a girl. Courtesy and respect for others shouldn’t be accommodated nor compromised based on your sex.

Stuff like this can make me look bad in front of my own friends and peers. It says that I don’t know how to judge character appropriately when making these introductions. I’ve spent the past few years making all sorts of connections between my friends and colleagues all the while building my own network. And I can’t even get a simple courtesy from these folks as to what their explanation is?

Lesson to be learned? Look at how you behave towards your own network of friends and professional contacts. What behaviors do you display that can possibly damage a relationship? How much self-awareness have you developed as you build your own network? Only you know the answer.

Don’t take your network for granted.

If you find yourself heartbroken, mentally and emotionally distracted, or just down and out, consider using some if not all of the following as a way to make it through.

1) Start a gratitude journal. Oprah Winfrey started this years ago. There was a show where she interviewed the author of the book, “Simple Abundance”. The book promoted the benefits of keeping a journal of gratitude. The idea is to write down few simple things every night for which you are grateful for. This includes the big things like your children, and jog to the small daily occurrences like finding a dollar in your pocket or receiving a compliment.

When I first heard of it, I thought it a bit too warm and fuzzy for me. It was only until last year, that I started to develop one of my own. At the time, I decided to make a 30 day commitment to writing 3 things that I’m grateful for each day. You really come out as a different person after 30 days. We often focus on what we lack in this world such as a good job, significant other, good friends, and more. The gratitude journal forces you to focus on what you have instead of what you don’t have. More on the benefits of a gratitude journal

2) Reach out to your network. I’m an advocate of the often misused and misunderstood word, networking. But I’ll save that rant for another day. I have meticulously built an extensive professional and social network over the last couple of years. I have built it for many reasons. But one of them is to tap into it when I run into difficult times. My social network of friends are there when I need advice or a shoulder to lean on if I am going through emotional distress. My professional network is there when I am facing some tough business situations that is stressing me out.

Learn to care for your network. Don’t ignore their emails or phone calls. Don’t take them for granted. Don’t blow them off. One day, you will need them when you least expect it. Be proactive in building your network and reaching out to others. One day, there will be that one person who will reach out to you when you least expect it. That person will pick you up and inspire you to new heights.

3) Write a poem. I’m far from being a published poet. But I found that when I face emotional distress, I’m able to really pour my heart and soul into a poem. I recall having to say goodbye to someone I truly cared for and I managed to write out this poem within an hour. It’s very similar to musicians who go through breakups. They pour all their feelings into new lyrics which end up being their next hit single. It is a very therapeutic exercise that helps alleviate alot of emotional distress. I am not what you consider a polished poet who understands all the tiny nuances of writing a poem. But I make up for it by tapping into my own feelings and what my heart beats at the moment.

4) Give to others. Going through tough times forces us to focus on what we lack or are not currently receiving at the moment. For example, we focus on the lack of money, lack of someone special, lack of opportunities in our life and so forth. I recommend doing volunteer work or giving back to another person in some significant manner. It’s a funny paradox; By giving back to someone else, you are able to overcome and get past what you are not currently receiving in this world. We see it all the time with parents who have a tough day at work. As soon as they come home, all of their focus is on the child. They are able to channel their lacking through a spirit of giving. The holidays such as Thanksgiving and Christmas tends to be tough for many individuals. It’s a time that forces us to focus on what we lack. But it’s also a great time to focus on giving ourselves to others through volunteer work.

Sailing, friend’s birthday party, dancing, Korean BBQ at 3am, and hang gliding the following morning.

I enjoyed every moment with every person there.

From Sept 20th to Sept 21st.

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• Cost to organize trip: $150
• Admission price to Assateague campgrounds: $10
• Endless Memories of moonlight strolls on the shore, evening ocean breezes blowing in your face, and midnight swimming in the ocean with friends: Priceless.

For everything else, there’s Mastercard. ( Or another Dean event around the corner :))

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I get invitations from people wanting to connect with me on Facebook, LinkedIN, and elsewhere all the time. I get social and professional invites out the wazoo. As a business owner, my time is limited and my patience even more so. I’ve seen a lot of bad follow-ups and invitations. In fact, I would guess that about 75% or more of the request to connect are poor and not very effective. There is room for improvement.

I want to show you how I use various social networking websites to follow up with people. Because there are various social networking sites and various intentions to follow up (usually on either a social or professional basis), I am going to limit this example to using LinkedIn to follow up with business professionals you just met or have been in contact with.

Before I show my example, I am going to show 2 examples that others typically use;

First, there is the standard cookie cutter invitation that people use from LinkedIn;

I’d like to add you to my professional network on LinkedIn.

If I already know you, then I’ll just accept.

But there is no customization. There is no uniqueness in the approach. It’s almost like trying to court a girl- you have to show some uniqueness in your approach for her so that she may consider you. Consider this as sort of “business dating.” The above is fine if both sides know each other. But if you just met this person and wish to keep in touch, then something more customized is called for. You want to make an impression from all the other “courters.”

Then there is the somewhat customized version that I’ll get from time to time. It will look something like this;

“Hi Dean- it was great meeting you at XYZ Business event. I want to keep in touch with you. Thanks!”

Sometimes the invitation is a couple sentences or a couple of paragraphs. But the gist of the message is the above.

I give the individual above credit for just reaching out and following up. The majority of people will not even follow up. However, there is so much room for improvement in that invitation. Let’s use one of my invitation templates to compares the differences between the approach.

Here is one template that I use;

Hi John- I just wanted to follow up from XYZ Business function a few days ago.

I like to use LinkedIn as a way to keep in touch after the event is over. Even if there isn’t an immediate need for each of us to do business now or refer business in a reciprocal manner, it doesn’t mean that the opportunity won’t arise in the future. Networking is very serendipitous. No point in collecting business cards as a hobby

By the way, I know alot of professionals don’t know how to leverage LinkedIn effectively, so I compiled a list of links that can help you use it effectively. Here is the link; http://sachistudio.com/blog/2008/07/01/linkedin-resources/
————–
-Dean Hua | 301-538-DEAN
Sachi Studio | http://sachistudio.com
Web and Blog Design. Online Marketing Strategies. “Leverage The Web. Effectively.”

Let’s dissect this approach and show what I did to make this more effective. I am going to explain the pyschology and nuance behind every sentence that I use.

1. I listed the name of the business function that I met them at. Don’t assume that they’ll know where you met them. Here in Washington DC, there is a networking event every day for any vertical and industry. I know professionals who attend several events a week. You’d think they were being paid to attend networking events. People forget names and conversations all the time. Make it easier for them to recall who you are in seconds. Don’t make people think too hard.
2. “I like to use LinkedIn as a way to keep in touch after the event is over.” I state this so that they know that I take the platform seriously enough to invite them. I don’t want them to think that I just want to add them for the sake of adding them. For those who’ve been around LinkedIn long enough, you know there folks who have thousands of connections and just add people for the sake of it. I state that I value them as a person and not just as another number and really do want to keep in touch.
3. “Even if there isn’t an immediate need for each of us to do business or refer business in a reciprocal manner, it doesn’t mean that the opportunity won’t arise in the future.” There are many subtleties to this sentence that only a true veteran of this contact sport will understand. But I state this because I want them to know that I took the time to recognize that there is no immediate value between the two of us. You’d be surprised as to how many people won’t see immediate value but still shove their services down another person’s throat. There is no bigger turnoff than professionals who are oblivious to the business world around them. And even though, there is no immediate value, I still want to connect with them. None of us like it when professionals we haven’t heard from in years comes asking us for a favor. I am stating that I know there is inherit value in them but it may take months or years for me to truly discover that value. But if and when that time comes for us to add value to each other, then I want to be ready.
4. “Networking is very serendipitous. No point in collecting business cards as a hobby “ Anyone who’s been around the block knows this by now. We know that just keeping in touch and staying top of mind, good things will happen to us. I inject a little humor into this as well. While meant to bring a smile to the individual, it also shows where my priorities and values are. I don’t believe in collecting business cards for the sake of collecting business cards. That unto itself feels like a hobby with the majority of professionals out there. It shows that I am serious about follow up. Ask any professional who network constantly and they’ll tell you that at least 80% of people they meet, will never follow up with them. We all know how the Japanese receive and accept a business card. They truly show that they value the professional and the value that he brings by their gesture of acceptance. By my connecting and my words, I attempt to show the same core values that the Japanese show.
5. “By the way, I know alot of professionals don’t know how to leverage LinkedIn effectively, so I compiled a list of links that can help you use it effectively. Here is the link;” This is what I refer to as “value-added connecting.” Before you can receive value from others, you have to first show it to them. I know many people who don’t know how to use the platform properly, so I give them a link to my business blog, which has a lot of resources for them to glean over and learn from. I have had people read over the blog entry and thank me for taking the time to be of help to them. Be of help to others before asking for it yourself.
6. Tagline- Don’t take this for granted. Again, a lot of people forget who you are and what you do. I simply inserted my company address, tagline, and url as a convenient reminder.

As you can see, there is a world of difference between what I have and “Hey Dean- Nice meeting you. Let’s connect.”

This invitation is effective and more productive for several reasons;

1. I state my intentions. People don’t have time to read between the lines. Guys- ever try reading the lines with women? It’s a pain in the ass, isn’t it? Try not to make people think too hard. Be upfront with your intentions. Don’t force people to read between the lines.
2. I make it personal. Don’t treat them like another number. I treat them like a person and not just another contact.
3. Be succinct. My message is only 2 paragraphs long. Don’t go on and on and on about this and that. People don’t have time.

I have a couple of other templates that I use for very specific situations but the above is the basic gist of it. I have others that state more immediate business needs and how we can get together. I’ve done this long enough that I have anticipated most typical scenarios after an encounter.

I also have a very loose template for Facebook as well. Facebook is a bit more complex due to the hybrid of both professional and personal networking that occurs here. But a solid template can be used for it as well. If I find the time, I might write up an entry on that as well.

We spend a lot of time and money to attend events and meeting people. Talk to those closest to me and they’ll tell you that it drives me up the wall to see people spend so much time meeting people but never following up. And even when they follow up, the approach is not very effective. Follow up and follow through.

It’s not enough to just collect contact information. You have to learn to connect properly as well. Collect and connect.

You are welcome to use the template that I have above. I’d love to see yours if you have one. As a small gesture of appreciation, I would only ask that you give your connections a link to the blog entry of LinkedIn resources that I listed. It’s not necessary and I won’t hold anyone to it. But if you link to it, just say that your friend and colleague, Dean, wrote up a list of resources that might help them. I’d appreciate the link love. And they’ll appreciate you for adding value to them.

So we good? Great. Now get out there and collect then connect…effectively, that is.

I did it last year and fell in love with it. I’m doing it again this weekend. Yes, I am jumping out of a perfectly good airplane. I am skydiving.

I have offered the invite to anyone and everyone who knows that I am going this weekend. I am trying to get a few friends to come with me so that we can share this unique experience with each other. It’s no fun if I’m jumping without a few friends. I have visions of all us touching ground and giving one big group hug, hooting, hollering, and hi-fiving each other, dancing in my head.

Skydiving interests me in many regards. Not just purely because of the adrenaline rush. I am completely fascinated by the self-talk that most people give themselves when deciding not to do such an activity.

The following is how my mind approaches the moment when I jump out.

First, stop psyching yourself out. People psyche themselves out of everything nowadays. They convince themselves out of a promotion. They talk themselves out of asking a girl out. They talk themselves out of a business deal or a sale. People talk themselves out of anything and everything. They talk themselves out of any good that can come into their life.

I know it can be easier said than done to stop the negative self-talk. Instead of focusing on the end result, or the case of a negative end result (ie; possibly dying), I block that out by focusing on each little moment before the “big moment.” Here’s how my mind works when it comes to skydiving. The process can be applied to anything.

When I’m at the hangar bay getting into my jumpsuit, I just focus on trying to get into the jumpsuit and practicing what my instructor tells me to do when jumping. I don’t worry about anything else.

I’m now boarding the plane. I just focus on boarding the airplane and getting snug and fit with everyone else. My instructor whispers last minute instructions as we climb altitude. I intently listen and focus on that and that alone.

The door starts to open and it’s time for us to crawl to the door for the jump. I just focus on working my way towards the door. I don’t focus on the fact that I’m closer to death or any other form of negative thought. I just focus on the task at hand.

Next thing I know, I’m spinning out of the airplane and enjoying the moment. What else can I do? I can’t get back into the airplane. So I may as well enjoy the next 3 minutes.

Seems pretty simple, eh? Well it is. But it isn’t as well. It takes so much mental power to block out all negativity.

But if you can do that, jump out, and touch ground, you’ll feel the greatest sense of accomplishment in the world. You did something that about 95% of most people can never do. And that’s worth hooting and hollering about.

A wise businessman once told me “the battle is often won in the mind before it is won on the battlefield.” How true. We have to control what goes on in our mind.

Now how often do I hear those words come out of a guy’s mouth at typical social events like a happy hour when they find that the ratio of guys to girls is unevenly distributed.

Till this day, I am amused and baffled whenever I hear this. Of course, I’m the same guy who walks into the room and never bothers to notice if it is truly “dude-city.” My mind is focused on other things rather than trying to figure out if the guy-to-girl ratio is even….or not.

And then I start to hear how guys make all sorts of excuses as to why they can’t talk to one single girl in the room. The excuse typically runs along the lines of how too many guys are making it difficult to any one girl. So that is one way of looking at things. But here’s another;

Let’s just assume that the ratio of guys to girls is 60/40 or dare I say, 70/30.

A wise a businessman once told me that you could make money or you could make excuses, but you can’t do both at the same time.

In this particular scenario, most guys choose to make excuses. They don’t care to make money… or honey, in this case.

Here’s how to turn that glass half-empty approach to a glass half-full approach.

Consider the fact that most guys never make a move on a girl anyway. So if half the guys out there never bother to make a move, your true ratio is not really, say 60/40. It’s now 30/40. Wow- look at that. Now women outnumber the men. Or at least, the “real men” in the room.

Moral to this story?

Losers always find a way to lose. Usually, they end up buying into the status quo beliefs of others.

Winners find a way to win.

Amazing what a little inspiration can do for you. I managed to write the majority of these lyrics in about 30 minutes. I figure why not. I’ve written a couple poems so I’ll try my hands at writing a song. I was feeling very inspired and the creative juices were just flowing.

Inspiration? Someone having the character to keep her word. Don’t see that too often nowadays. I thought about how it would feel to be with someone with the character to keep ones word. And that is what the song basically says. Moral values and character is very important to me.

While the lyrics below may be considered for a love ballad, I actually wrote them to the tune of a dance beat but I know a love ballad can fit as well.

I always dreamed that one day I’d have my own song published and sung by a famous singer. One day….

——————–

You appear and find the right words to say,
I never would’ve thought that it be this way.

Overwhelmed with feelings once lost and found.
Knowing your promise is there is what keeps us bound.

These words you sing is not what’s typical.
Hearing them, pleases my heart, and makes it full.

Never will I feel that you’ll walk away,
Dreaming of this still, is what makes me stay.
Longing for you starts to make me pray,
That you’re here tonight and your words won’t sway.

Chorus:
Your promise makes me feel something that i cannot deny.
Every word, every character, inspires to me to write.
You make your promise and I know you’ll be near,
Every sentence, every letter, will keep me here.
Keeping the promise is what keeps us tight.
Hold on forever as we ride into the night.

Every heart that beats for you is what keeps us free,
Look a little closer and that’s what you’ll see.

From dusk till dawn, is this ray of light,
Hold you still,
Hold you tight, because I might…

Fall for you and never let go,
Can’t help it, and want more,
As I let these feelings flow.

“Never, never,never” are the words we write,
Keep that promise and let’s hold on tight.

I look into your eyes and I see what’s true,
Look into my heart, and you’ll believe it too.

Chorus:
Your promise makes me feel something that i cannot deny.
Every word, every character, inspires to me to write.
You make your promise and I know you’ll be near,
Every sentence, every letter, will keep me here.
Keeping the promise is what keeps us tight.
Hold on forever as we ride into the night.

Finally, these are words that we speak,
Knowing that makes me high,
And climb mountain’s peak.

On into the sky, flying high,
Your promise is something that I can’t deny.

It’s your words that’s gonna keep me here,
I look into your eyes and have nothing to fear.

Knowing you keep your promise is not typical,
Creates a mix of emotion that is so chemical,
Let’s keep together and make this unbreakable.

Chorus…