My real message is in the last four paragraphs where I talk about how our interactions with others are the most important experiences in our lives and how it shapes us going forward, especially in love and romance.

“When faced with making a tough decision, that is actually the Universe giving you an opportunity to prove your character.” ~Dean

————————–

Dear Sharon-
It took me awhile to figure this out but now I know why I was so bothered by something on your part. Let me explain;

It just bothered me that I would follow up twice with you to get together (for us to meet on a Friday only and then for a Sunday). And you would say you’d get back to me upon checking your schedule. And then on both times, you never got back to me and I was left with a wasted weekend. Obviously, you never had any interests in going out again. And that’s fine.

I know this may not have dawned on you, but when you say that you’ll get back to me, the other person is actually waiting and has to put other possible plans on hold for that weekend. That person is actually believing in you keeping your word. Of course, it makes no sense for me to schedule something with friends for either of those days if I’m waiting on someone else to get back to me. My time and whom I spend it with is very valuable to me. That’ s time I can’t get back. I’m sure you understand this as you are a very busy person as well.

So when I don’t hear back from someone, it becomes a bit disappointing. I’ve been around long enough to see that most women never know how to say ‘no’ to a guy. Perhaps it’s that you don’t want to hurt a person’s feelings. But ignoring someone and wasting their time is never a good option either. In fact, when you shook my hand in the car and said ‘yes’ to wanting to out again, I took that as a sign of strong character- someone who can keep her word. It made me believe you did have some interest and I should start planning the next date. How exciting, right?

I wanted to write this to you. Not so much because I’m angry. I’m not. Or that I’m hurt. I’m not. Though, I am dissapointed not because we didn’t get together again, but because I believed someone (even if it’s a total stranger) and she ended up lying to me. Perhaps you have a dozen reasons as to why you didn’t get back. I’ve probably heard them all at some point in my life.

But I’m writing this to you to let you know that it’s not acceptable. I just thought you should know. I’m not looking for an apology nor anything else from you. I’m simply writing this to you in hopes that the next time you meet another guy, that you don’t do this to him. At the end of the day, we all have feelings and want the same things in life. It’s okay if I’m not your type or vice versa. I would’ve been perfectly happy with the possibility of a friendship if it came to that point. I’m a big boy and I’ve had worse things in my life than a girl canceling on me. So I’m not writing to this to receive sympathy from you. I’m writing this letter to get across the following message;

It’s very hard to find someone in this world that you can connect and enjoy your time with. But it’s just as hard to make friends and develop meaningful connections with friends, clients, strangers, and everything in between. I believe the most important experience that most of us can have in life, is our daily interactions with new people. Traveling and going on adventures are great experiences as well, but I also relish the time I have with people- strangers and friends.

Such was the case that I had with you for 2 hours. When it comes to dating, many adults become cynical because of all the bad experiences they’ve had prior.

I can’t promise to be “the one” for every girl I meet. But I know I will try my hardest to make sure I giver her an enjoyable experience even if we don’t ever see each other again. This includes keeping my word, showing up on time, being conversational, showing interest, and many other common sense behaviors. I would never want to add to the cyniscm of another person’s worldview especially about love and romance. Most of us have it tough as it is. There’s no point in making it tougher for anyone. If “hurt and dissapointment” was a form of currency, then we’d all be very rich right now.

So the next time that a guy asks you out and your’e not interested, think about how you intend to respond to that person. Think about whether or not your behavior to that person will either make him more cynical or more positive going forward. This applies not only in dating, but in life.

I wish you the best of luck in anything that you do.

I recall a story on the local news that interviewed women as to whether they cared to be with a guy who could dress. The resounding answer from most of the women was a yes. I guess that was no surprise. Although, it’s still quite surprising as to how many guys really have no sense of style or don’t know proper grooming.

We can’t change our physical appearances too much. But we can change how we dress and groom. I’m always out and about in various social settings and I’m astounded as to how some guys cannot dress themselves. Sometimes it is a business function. Sometimes, it’s a happy hour. Sometimes, it’s a party. There’s the guy who has a dress shirt one size too big. There’s the man who is wearing flip-flops to a singles party event. Or what about the man whose color coordination between his dress shirt and pants is completely off. And then they wonder why they’re still single. Wonders never cease.

I list a few resources on how to improve your wardrobe;

1. Flip through style magazines for men such as GQ. You’ll pick up on what’s trendy nowadays.
2. Go buy a book on how to dress. A great starting guide is Details Men’s Style Manual: The Ultimate Guide for Making Your Clothes Work for You. You’ll understand the A-Z of men’s fashion very quickly.
   
3. Go watch a TV show on how to dress. I enjoy watching TLC’s What Not To Wear starring Stacy London and Clinton Kelly. The duo is absolutely hilarious. London’s sarcastic humor has me rolling on the floor. Clinton Kelly is an expert on style and any man would learn a lot from him. I have.

A few things I’ve learned on my own about style and that every guy should try to be more cognizant about;

1. Dress appropriately for the occasion. If it’s a cosmopolitan cocktail party, then look the part.
2. Understand color and pattern coordination. This is the hardest part for most guys. It was the hardest part for me too. Most guys don’t really understand the subtle difference between, say patterns and solids and what should go with what.
3. How to dress for your particular body shape.
4. How to have flexibility in your wardrobe so that you can mix and match.

It is hard for me to be with a woman who has no sense of style. A woman with style is a woman who is in tune to the trends of society. She is cognizant of who she is and how she wishes to portray herself to society. She knows what’s in and what’s out. A person just the opposite of that is well…clueless. Of course, style is just a small part of who they are, but it would help alot if she had some. Good arm candy and absolutely delish.

Bear in mind that you don’t have to have a wardrobe that comes from Neiman Marcus. You do not have to pay a fortune to dress well.

I know, I know. Why should what we wear matter? We all want someone who would love us for us and not our clothes, right? Riighht.  Keep searching for that utopia because it is hard to come by.

Men aren’t the only ones who like good arm candy. I know plenty of women who are attracted to a guy with style. They want to be proud of their man and how he portrays himself to society. So go on and make yourself yummy.

But what else can you do? If it bothers us that much, then the only option is to confront the issue head on. I see confrontation as a positive. It allows me to air an issue out there. It allows me to hear and understand the other person’s side of it. Most communication issues simply lie in the misinterpretation of what is said or implied. Give people the benefit of the doubt that they are rational beings who sometimes can’t communicate effectively.

Confrontation gives me the ability to exercise my conflict management skills. It allows me to grow.

Alot of people would hope the issue would go away. But it never does. It only festers and builds up inside of you. That’s how relationships are broken. I see alot and I mean ALOT of friendships grow apart (especially with female friendships) because of all the underlying tensions that occur.

Life is full of confrontations. Challenge yourself to learn to communicate in a tactful emphathetic way. Are you stating your side or are you stating the other side first? There’s a big difference between the two.

As with most things, it’s all in how we see it. Confrontation can produce positive results.

Amazing what a little inspiration can do for you. I managed to write the majority of these lyrics in about 30 minutes. I figure why not. I’ve written a couple poems so I’ll try my hands at writing a song. I was feeling very inspired and the creative juices were just flowing.

Inspiration? Someone having the character to keep her word. Don’t see that too often nowadays. I thought about how it would feel to be with someone with the character to keep ones word. And that is what the song basically says. Moral values and character is very important to me.

While the lyrics below may be considered for a love ballad, I actually wrote them to the tune of a dance beat but I know a love ballad can fit as well.

I always dreamed that one day I’d have my own song published and sung by a famous singer. One day….

——————–

You appear and find the right words to say,
I never would’ve thought that it be this way.

Overwhelmed with feelings once lost and found.
Knowing your promise is there is what keeps us bound.

These words you sing is not what’s typical.
Hearing them, pleases my heart, and makes it full.

Never will I feel that you’ll walk away,
Dreaming of this still, is what makes me stay.
Longing for you starts to make me pray,
That you’re here tonight and your words won’t sway.

Chorus:
Your promise makes me feel something that i cannot deny.
Every word, every character, inspires to me to write.
You make your promise and I know you’ll be near,
Every sentence, every letter, will keep me here.
Keeping the promise is what keeps us tight.
Hold on forever as we ride into the night.

Every heart that beats for you is what keeps us free,
Look a little closer and that’s what you’ll see.

From dusk till dawn, is this ray of light,
Hold you still,
Hold you tight, because I might…

Fall for you and never let go,
Can’t help it, and want more,
As I let these feelings flow.

“Never, never,never” are the words we write,
Keep that promise and let’s hold on tight.

I look into your eyes and I see what’s true,
Look into my heart, and you’ll believe it too.

Chorus:
Your promise makes me feel something that i cannot deny.
Every word, every character, inspires to me to write.
You make your promise and I know you’ll be near,
Every sentence, every letter, will keep me here.
Keeping the promise is what keeps us tight.
Hold on forever as we ride into the night.

Finally, these are words that we speak,
Knowing that makes me high,
And climb mountain’s peak.

On into the sky, flying high,
Your promise is something that I can’t deny.

It’s your words that’s gonna keep me here,
I look into your eyes and have nothing to fear.

Knowing you keep your promise is not typical,
Creates a mix of emotion that is so chemical,
Let’s keep together and make this unbreakable.

Chorus…

The following is a tribute to Max- the family dog. He lived for about 17 years. I had to put him to sleep today because he was in so much pain.

He was suffering from diarrhea, wouldn’t eat for the past 24 hours, and could no longer stand. His hind legs were too weak. All he did today was yelp and cry constantly throughout the day. Almost every other minute, he would cry. The only time he’d stop is when I would try to pet and comfort him or when he fell asleep for several hours. No doubt from being tired of crying. I never heard the poor thing in so much pain than I did today. It was only until I heard the crying that I knew the day had finally come. I knew that today was the day for me to finally say goodbye to him.

I didn’t always understand why some pet owners were so attached to their pet. I would read and often hear how much dog owners would miss their dog but never quite understood. Until now. And now I know and understand how much love we give to them and how much love they gave back to us. They are truly man’s best friend. Max gave so much love and attention.

I couldn’t help but cry all the way to the animal hospital knowing that I would soon have to say my final goodbye to him. Knowing that he would no longer be around. Knowing that I could no hold nor pet him. Knowing that he was the only one of his kind.

You never judged,boy. You were always there. You helped ease the stress of a long day. I will miss all the barking that you used to do when you were younger when the mailman or strangers came along. I will miss running around with you in the backyard when I was kid. I will miss having you as my companion.

Strange that I would shed so many tears for you today but I did. I only shed this many tears for my own family or for my significant other. But I proudly shed these tears for you today.

I hope this finds you in a better place without the pain and suffering that you had recently.

Be well my friend.

Love you and miss you, boy.

Having managed a couple of groups over the past couple years, I have seen a bit of everything. And sometimes it can be a turnoff and discourage you to not go back again. At the least, it forces most of us to establish standards as to whom we wish to associate ourselves with. I can probably show more tolerance than most as I’ve developed the temperament for this. But even I’m continually amazed as to the lack of sophistication of some. Although, to be fair, I wonder if the caliber of sophistication is any different at any other social networking organization?

But I try to look on the bright side. And I would encourage others to do the same. I look at how many people I’ve actually befriended and would actually want to hang out with outside of the group. People like Chris, Christa, Mo, Chrissy, Dawn, Jennifer, Alison, Marinel, Mary. And the list just goes on and on.

I always said this about any business networking function I attended, but I believe it to be true of a social networking function too- You only need one valuable connection to make the event worthwhile.

Apparently, my thought process is far more sophisticated than many people in their 40s and 50s. I recently had some people tell me that despite my youth, I’m still far more mature and sophisticated than those older than me.

Too often, I walk into a business function and meet so many goofballs. People who shove me their business cards. People who can’t answer basic questions that I ask or don’t have the savviness to “deal” or think through complex scenarios.

WTF? What have these people been doing with the extra years that they have on me that they can’t match me? Where’s the self-awareness? Where’s the cerebral thought process? Where’s the sophistication? Where’s the proper etiquette? Where’s the excellence in execution?

Am I that far ahead of some or is there that much mediocrity? I imagine the answer is somewhere in the middle.

Not trying to get a big head here. I’m not all that. Really, I’m not. But seriously, am I asking for too much?

I have one female friend, Zakia, who has a girlfriend who is from Austin Texas. She was here for a couple of years and she said that it was tough for her to make girlfriends here in DC. She said that girls were generally catty and competitive at times. She’s back in Austin Texas and loving it again now.

I met another girl who is very new to DC. She’s originally from Florida. She is by all means considered attractive. Quite a bubbly personality as well. She says she has a tough time making girlfriends as well. She has an easy time making guy friends. No surprise there as I’m sure she gets hit on enough times. Though, it helps because she’s into sports. But it’s been hard for her to make female friends as well. I have a bunch of female friends than guy friends nowadays. We joked that we should both bring our networks together so I can make more guy friends and she can make more girlfriends.

I have other female friends of mine who have been here much longer and they still have a tough time making girlfriends at times.

The conclusion that Zakia and I came to (well, more Zakia than I), is that girls are quite competitive, catty, and territorial around here. It’s partly due to the transient nature of this city with such an influx of transplants. But this area can be quite superficial as well. People are always on the go and in a rush to be somewhere.

I wonder how much tougher it is here than it is relative to any other big city like LA or NYC? I belong to Meetup and there are alot of girl groups in DC. Probably more than there should be. There are alot of “sister” groups that are always created. There are quite a few 20s and 30s girl groups. There are women over 40 groups. And the list goes on and on. No doubt that these groups are created to fulfill the desire that many girls have to bond with their own.

I’ve lived here my whole life so I don’t always see what others see. Makes you wonder; how much bigger would your social network be if you lived elsewhere?

Dean is a highly trusted colleague, a straight shooter who speaks plainly.

I suppose there are worse things that I could be called in this world. I never realized that I was that blunt or honest with people.

I’m really big on not wasting anyone’s time and I don’t like it when people waste my time. And believe me, there are plenty of people around here who waste my time. In fact, the biggest way to tick me off is to engage in any type of dealings with me (socially or professionally) and waste my time. Lately, I’ve had a few people try to engage with me on various projects and just completely waste my time.

• “Dean- let’s host this event together.”
• “Dean- let’s get together for dinner and talk.”
• “Dean – I want you to do this with me.”
• “Dean – have I got a deal for you.”
• “Dean – yeah, I’m definitely going.”

No where. They just go no where. I’m not mad that these dealings go no where. I’m just annoyed by the lack of courtesy and etiquette that some people show in the process. It’s the process that matters. I can deal with the lack of a positive end result. But damn people- focus on the process.

Lack of transparency in your dealings. Lack of doing your homework. Making empty promises.

Phonies. The world is full of them.

Between groups that I run, business people that I deal with, prospective and existing clients that I serve, and people that I socialize with, I manage to find a whole alot of phonies.

One of the most precious assets that you can ever have is your reputation. Once it goes into the dumpsters, it’s going to be hard to get it back. So yes, I’ll take “straight shooter” any day of the week. I know, I know, I can probably be more tactful at times. It’s something that I try to work on.

Des ends his email with the following about the opposite of straight shooting (note that he isn’t a grumpy misanthrope by any means. Quite the optimist);

In a world of devious shits, many of whom wear that label with perverse pride, you stand out as exceptional for your openness and honesty

At the end of the day, I want people to walk away from a conversation with me and know that I was completely open and transparent with them even if there were some bruised feelings. Honesty and transparency, with a little tact, is a great way to build trust in any relationship. So here’s to straight shooting.

I was driving through the parking lot of a shopping center. I saw this old grouchy looking man with poofy hair trying to crossing my path. He was talking on his cell phone at the same time. I waited for him to cross but he sure was taking a long time just to cross me. All of a sudden, he gives me a wierd staredown. Never one to back down, I decided to give him a stare down myself. You know, the “Why are you staring at me cause I’ll stare you down too” look.

In those few seconds of a staredown, he slows down even more and walks past my driver side and says something to me. I couldn’t quite figure out what he said as I had the window rolled up.

Apparently, this man wants to rumble with me or something. So I rolled down my window and said that he needs to walk faster. As I pulled away (there were cars behind me), he starts yelling all sorts of racist asian expletives at me.

Man! I was so ready to rumble with this geezer. Or at the least, get out of my car and face him. But I realized that I only be holding up traffic and it wasn’t worth it to go against an irrational geezer like him. But still, I just had this urge to antagonize him more. It’s apparent that that he is easily antagonized. I know I should just walk away and it has nothing with me being the better man. I already know that I am. But sometimes I just wanna….

Know what I mean?