I just lost a prospective client because I was too honest. The guy was on a deadline and needed a site up in less than the time I quoted. Apparently, he found another vendor who could meet this deadline. I know that’s not possible because I have done this for too long to not know otherwise. I know the other vendor isn’t disclosing the entire truth.

This situation frustrated me so much and has forced me to reassess the value behind the trait, honesty.

I’m reminded of a situation a few months ago where I asked a girl out and how she responded. She said that she didn’t have an interest in going out with me because she had her own personal issues to deal with and wasn’t in the mood to be sociable. It was a very quirky response and one that I’m not used to. Most women just ignore a guy and hope he goes away. She did the opposite- she confronted reality and answered truthfully.

If you thought I was interested before, I was even more interested now. I found her even more attractive after her response. Now before you go on and say that this is one of those situations where a guy just wants a girl more because he values the chase, it’s not. I don’t like chasing girls because it never goes anywhere.

I realize I know so little of her and it’s possible that it may never have gone anywhere to begin with. Regardless, the fact that she was honest with me made me more attracted to her. Why? For a few reasons:

1. She exhibited a quality that few people could possess in a situation such as this. Remember, most women would ignore a guy because they don’t want the confrontation.
2. She showed alot of maturity and tact in how she articulated her response
3. She trusted me enough to believe I had enough of my own maturity to handle it.

I was able to process all of this intuitively and came to the conclusion of my attraction (and respect) for her just increased because the above is so rare to experience.

Honesty is the foundation to any type of relationship be it professionally, socially, or romantically. It’s what we yearn for but most of us either don’t exude it or won’t embrace it.

Someone told me that I should be grateful that I didn’t land that client because he would never value me and my services. And more importantly, it wouldn’t be a great relationship between the two of us since he only wanted to hear what he wants to hear. The guy never even gave me a chance to explain and he just went elsewhere assuming that I couldn’t match the competition.

When someone is honest and candid with me in an exceptional way, I value it so much and I find that my respect for that person just increases. I do everything I can to try to reciprocate. Of course until they do something boneheaded to ruin everything.

This sounds silly but one of my personal resolutions for 2010 was to be less honest. If you only knew some of the clients, acquaintances, and friends I’ve lost because of one simple honest remark. This forced me to reevaluate this possible character flaw in me. That was how much of a flaw I consider it because it hurt me to the core and impacted me in unfortunate ways. I’m still evaluating and tweaking as we speak.

So because of my own personal and professional loss, I know just how rare this one quality is. I deal with too many people on a weekly basis and am forced to make quick judgments to aid my decision making process. Do I want to do business with them? Is this someone I want to spend time being friends with? Is she someone I would want to be involved with romantically? Do I want to introduce this person to others? I have to do my best to mitigate being hurt and dissapointed. I know when someone holds back. I know when someone isn’t disclosing the entire truth. I know when they’re lying and their voice and body language reinforces it.

Honesty is what nourishes all healthy relationships regardless of context. The absence of it means a relationship, or the opportunity to have one, will soon wither away.

Keith Ferrazi wrote and devoted an entire chapter to the art of honesty and candor in his book, Whose Got Your Back. Pick it up. I guarantee it’ll change your perception of honesty.

She was so frustrated and sad as she no longer had control of the situation. The guy needed time off to think about things. She wanted to stay “connected” with him and try to fix things. He wanted to fix her to some degree.

All I could do is really just listen. I had my own set of advice I could give but in these instances, I think most people already know what they need to do.

When it came for advice, I said the following to her; “You can never fix or help people. Control is merely an illusion. Whatever control you think you have or want to get back (cuz he walked away from her and she probably wished she reversed it), don’t bother.Consider this time off as a blessing. Use this time to better and improve yourself.  That is all that you can do.”

Most people don’t change. They lack self-awareness to know what’s wrong with them. That’s partly the reason why most people have no business getting married. They’re too flawed. Marriage is a long term endeavor and requires people willing to commit to constant self improvement. Not only can most people not be able to commit to each other, they can’t commit to themselves.

Deep down inside, I know she knows what her flaws are and her guy had pointed them out to her. So much so, that it started to lower her self-esteem. I do see the same flaws in her that he does. But when she starts to feel bad, then one of two things need to happen;

1. She has to shape up and take his advice and fix herself
2. Or both need to go their separate ways

Use the time that you have when you’re single to constantly improve yourself. Become Mr or Miss Right yourself. Only then will Mr or Ms Right come into your life.

Don’t ever expect to fix people. You can’t fix them. You can only fix yourself.

In doing so, I’ve learned that it’s good for every guy to learn this trade. Here are some top reasons why every guy should learn how to cook. Some are pragmatic in nature and others are humorous. But they’re all true!

1. It’s a good way to impress any girl. I think it’s still a consensus that most guys don’t know how to cook and it’s a woman’s job, or at least that’s how it’s perceived. Break the mode and stand out by learning how to cook.  If you’re single and just getting to know a girl, I’d say having 3 good dishes is good to have in your dating repertoire. In fact, there are many ways to incorporate this into your dating repertoire. It makes for good get-to-know-you conversation as well when both of you know how to cook. Or you can both have a date where both of you are cooking. Very romantic, fun, and great way to connect.
2. It’s cheaper and you’ll save tons of money….especially in this economy.
3. It’s a good connector and networking tool. If you like to socialize and entertain, then there isn’t a better skill to have than learning how to cook. Cooking and entertaining go hand in hand. Again, it’s been perceived a “female-thing” rather than a guy thing. If I had to move to a new city where I knew nobody, then I know that one of the quickest ways to make new friends is to invite people over for a dinner party. That’s a sure fire hit.
4. It frees you from depending on a woman’s cooking. If you’re married or in a relationship, nothings worse than having your girl get angry at you and deciding not to cook for you. Learning to cook makes you self-reliant in this regards. Or better yet, if she’s not a good cook, then you’re better start learning real quickly, if you catch my drift.
5. It’s healthier. Well, it can be depending on what you cook. But at least, you can control your diet easier by learning to cook healthy and controlling the amount of what you cook. Let’s face it; guys die earlier than woman do and that is partly due to what we eat. Cooking for yourself is alot better than going to Cheesecake Factory and having to finish those huge dishes they give you!

What are some other reasons that a guy should learn how to cook?

My real message is in the last four paragraphs where I talk about how our interactions with others are the most important experiences in our lives and how it shapes us going forward, especially in love and romance.

“When faced with making a tough decision, that is actually the Universe giving you an opportunity to prove your character.” ~Dean

————————–

Dear Sharon-
It took me awhile to figure this out but now I know why I was so bothered by something on your part. Let me explain;

It just bothered me that I would follow up twice with you to get together (for us to meet on a Friday only and then for a Sunday). And you would say you’d get back to me upon checking your schedule. And then on both times, you never got back to me and I was left with a wasted weekend. Obviously, you never had any interests in going out again. And that’s fine.

I know this may not have dawned on you, but when you say that you’ll get back to me, the other person is actually waiting and has to put other possible plans on hold for that weekend. That person is actually believing in you keeping your word. Of course, it makes no sense for me to schedule something with friends for either of those days if I’m waiting on someone else to get back to me. My time and whom I spend it with is very valuable to me. That’ s time I can’t get back. I’m sure you understand this as you are a very busy person as well.

So when I don’t hear back from someone, it becomes a bit disappointing. I’ve been around long enough to see that most women never know how to say ‘no’ to a guy. Perhaps it’s that you don’t want to hurt a person’s feelings. But ignoring someone and wasting their time is never a good option either. In fact, when you shook my hand in the car and said ‘yes’ to wanting to out again, I took that as a sign of strong character- someone who can keep her word. It made me believe you did have some interest and I should start planning the next date. How exciting, right?

I wanted to write this to you. Not so much because I’m angry. I’m not. Or that I’m hurt. I’m not. Though, I am dissapointed not because we didn’t get together again, but because I believed someone (even if it’s a total stranger) and she ended up lying to me. Perhaps you have a dozen reasons as to why you didn’t get back. I’ve probably heard them all at some point in my life.

But I’m writing this to you to let you know that it’s not acceptable. I just thought you should know. I’m not looking for an apology nor anything else from you. I’m simply writing this to you in hopes that the next time you meet another guy, that you don’t do this to him. At the end of the day, we all have feelings and want the same things in life. It’s okay if I’m not your type or vice versa. I would’ve been perfectly happy with the possibility of a friendship if it came to that point. I’m a big boy and I’ve had worse things in my life than a girl canceling on me. So I’m not writing to this to receive sympathy from you. I’m writing this letter to get across the following message;

It’s very hard to find someone in this world that you can connect and enjoy your time with. But it’s just as hard to make friends and develop meaningful connections with friends, clients, strangers, and everything in between. I believe the most important experience that most of us can have in life, is our daily interactions with new people. Traveling and going on adventures are great experiences as well, but I also relish the time I have with people- strangers and friends.

Such was the case that I had with you for 2 hours. When it comes to dating, many adults become cynical because of all the bad experiences they’ve had prior.

I can’t promise to be “the one” for every girl I meet. But I know I will try my hardest to make sure I giver her an enjoyable experience even if we don’t ever see each other again. This includes keeping my word, showing up on time, being conversational, showing interest, and many other common sense behaviors. I would never want to add to the cyniscm of another person’s worldview especially about love and romance. Most of us have it tough as it is. There’s no point in making it tougher for anyone. If “hurt and dissapointment” was a form of currency, then we’d all be very rich right now.

So the next time that a guy asks you out and your’e not interested, think about how you intend to respond to that person. Think about whether or not your behavior to that person will either make him more cynical or more positive going forward. This applies not only in dating, but in life.

I wish you the best of luck in anything that you do.

Case in point:

I have 2 friends (guy and girl) who I thought should meet each other and see where it might go. I thought they would look cute together. So here is how I set them up;

I emailed both privately and showed them a picture of each other along with some mutual interests that they both shared. Both liked what they saw and agreed to an introduction by me. I made an email introduction whereby I edified both sides and said that I thought they should meet for a drink. Nothing too high pressure. I didn’t expect for wedding bells to ring but at least they might make a new friend.

That was almost 2 weeks ago. I decided to follow up with my guy friend to see if anything occurred. Apparently, she never responded back to his email. And this is after she agreed to the introduction.

That just ticked me off big time. This was really the straw that broke the camel’s back with this girl. It’s the same person who, on several occasions, doesn’t respond back to my phone messages that I leave. I actually let those go as I didn’t think the time and energy to put into chiding her was worth it. But when you do it to one of my own friends then that really tees me off after I just spoke highly of you.

As a disclaimer, let me say that I understand we all lead busy lives. But quite frankly, that has become (especially here in DC) one of the biggest bullshit excuses that I’ve ever heard of. I run my own business, have clients to report to, run my own social networking group, have friends that I respond to, and a host of other responsibilities and demands on a daily and weekly basis. I know that I get more emails and phone calls on a daily basis that I have to respond to, than this girl or most people do. I’ll bet drinks on it.

And I’d say about 90% of all queries from clients, friends, acquaintances, and other encounters are responded to in a timely manner. 48 hours is typically a rule of thumb for me. My social and professional network is far bigger than hers and the average person. And yet, I still prioritize appropriately. Anyone who knows me knows that I get back to them in a timely manner. That is how I managed to build my network in the first place.

Hell, I know single mothers who not only have to parent a few kids, but also have a company to run, and a host of other responsibilities on their plate. And you’re telling me that you can’t respond to a basic email? Why? Because you’re ‘busy’? Gimme a break. Id rather you say that that response or query was not a high priority rather than say you’re busy. I can assure you that had someone put a gun to your head and asked you to make time for that piece of communication, then you’d put in the extra 2 minutes to pick up the phone or email a response. So it really had nothing to do with busyness. It has more to do with priorities.

People today are socially lazy. How often do I hear people say that they want to “meet new people” and “make new friends.” And yet, they lack the basic forms of respect and etiquette that is required to build and maintain these relationships. A monkey can meet new people. But it takes a higher sophisticated life form to actually turn these casual encounters into a solid friendship whereby trust and respect forms the foundation of that friendship.

I can forgive the occasional memory lapse. It happens to everyone. I’m not an etiquette Nazi by any stretch of the imagination. But consistent lapse in judgment like this is completely uncalled for.

It was never that strong of a friendship between her and I as we were more friendly acquaintances than real friends. Though, I do enjoy my company with her and have respect for her. Otherwise, I would’ve never made the introduction between her and my guy friend.  I do value all relationships that I make but I don’t compromise on my beliefs and values for anyone. And I’m simply not just going to keep my mouth shut to avoid confrontation.

I know my guy friend would forgive me as he’s an adult and can take it. But that really doesn’t matter. If you say you are going to follow through on something, then follow through. A man is only as good as his word. Same goes for a girl. Courtesy and respect for others shouldn’t be accommodated nor compromised based on your sex.

Stuff like this can make me look bad in front of my own friends and peers. It says that I don’t know how to judge character appropriately when making these introductions. I’ve spent the past few years making all sorts of connections between my friends and colleagues all the while building my own network. And I can’t even get a simple courtesy from these folks as to what their explanation is?

Lesson to be learned? Look at how you behave towards your own network of friends and professional contacts. What behaviors do you display that can possibly damage a relationship? How much self-awareness have you developed as you build your own network? Only you know the answer.

Don’t take your network for granted.

I was looking to create a new CD of the best R&B slowjam songs of the 90s era. I know the 80s was known for great rock. But I felt that some of the best R&B slowjams were found in the 90s. It’s hard to find great memorable slowjams today. In my search of creating the definitive slowjam CD, I ran into Tevin Campbell’s song, “Tell Me What You Want Me To Do” video above. Great song. It’s one that I’ll have to add in addition to Jodeci, Johnny Gill, New Edition, Shanice, and a few others on my list of slowjams.

So the title said it all. Tell me what you want me to do. I couldn’t help but feel a but wonder what exactly would a woman want a guy to do for them. And do guys really know what or how to impress her? Inspired by this, I write my own personal top 5 list (in no particular order) of how to win over a girl. Or at the least, get her attention. Trying to woo a girl can be tougher than landing a new job at times. Seriously. So every guy needs as much help as he can get to differentiate himself from the competition. Here’s mine ;

1. Write her a poem. It doesn’t have to be anything too heavy especially if you’re in the beginning stages of a relationship. Cute and funny can work if done properly. Most guys don’t have enough within them to write a poem. So if you have some talent in this area, then definitely use it.
2. Listen and dig deeper. Of course, every girl needs to express herself through communicating. They just want to be understood and feel validated. So it’s important to not just listen but dig deeper. Ask a few follow up questions. If she’s feeling sad, don’t just listen to her expressing her sadness. But go deeper into her predicament. She’s just looking to be understood.
3. Be funny. I’ve literally had to work on my own humor over the past couple years. I’m not quite sure if I was ever really funny in years past, but I do know that I’m funnier today. At least, that’s what some people tell me. Girls and people in general, like to feel good. When you feel good, you do good. Ever notice how girls always tend to list humor as one of their top three qualities? We just want to feel good about ourselves. And nothing does that better than to be with someone who tickles our funny bones. With some girls I know, my comedic timing is laugh out loud hilarious. And with others, it just kinda fizzles.
4. Compliment her on something besides her looks. The prettier the girl is, the more likely that she has been told that she’s attractive…like a gazillion times over. Find some other quality to compliment her on. For me, I like a girl who has some sense of style, sophistication, intelligence, and fun to her. If I see that she embodies one of those traits then I will tell her that. But the whole, “You’re so beautiful” line doesn’t work as well nowadays. She wants to know that you value her for more than her looks. Looks will eventually fade for some women and they want to know that you can see past the glamour.
5. Learn to dance. Girls just tend to be better dancers than guys. Dancing is all about attitude and girls have tons of that going around. lol. If she likes to dance, then you should try to learn to dance. Salsa is a good start. Women are absolutely mad about salsa. Dance is a form of communication and expression. Some girls like a guy who can express himself on the dancefloor, be it salsa, hip-hop, swing, ballroom, and more. Note that if she can’t dance and you can’t dance, then consider yourself lucky.

So the above are things that I found to have worked. Some of the above sound simple but sometimes simple is all you need.

Ladies- I’m curious to know 1 or 2 things that guys can or should do that will win you over. Would love to hear yours.

In a big city like this, there is an abundance of options as to whom we wish to date or go out with. It’s both a blessing but also a curse to have this many options. Ever looked at the menu of The Cheesecake Factory? Big isn’t it? It’s a huge menu with endless pages of options. Having an abundance of options is often a paradox. It’s been referred to as the “Paradox of Choice.” When we are given this many options, we often cannot choose and our decision making process is made tougher. It’s supposed to be easier to choose because we have so many options, but it doesn’t turn out that way. We continue to flip through the next page, thinking that we’ll find something to settle on. And we just keep flipping and flipping and flipping.

Dating in DC is alot like that. We’re always looking for greener pastures. Christa mentioned the other day that she has friends who moved out of DC and into smaller cities and within a year or two, they were married. And overall, people just seem to be happier when they move out of DC. I can neither confirm nor deny those observations as I’ve lived here my whole life. But I can certainly understand the logic to it all. I know for a fact that there are some seriously unhappy and lonely people around here.

There is nothing wrong with looking for something better or “the one.” Problem is, that so few of us have given definition to what is “better” for us. More importantly, so few of us know what is good for us. I tend to have that view of many females that I run into (ducking for cover now). That’s a totally different post for another day as I don’t want to get too off topic but I meet alot of girls who can’t get their act together. This excludes any of my current female friends of course. *smiles*

I’ve learned, to some degree, that I’m not necessarily looking for someone who is good to me. I’m just looking for someone who is good for me. There is a world of difference in the two. I’m somewhat confident that I could find a girl who is relatively good to me, ie; treats me well, is kind, respects me, etc…Truth be told, it’s hard enough to find someone who can be that to me. But I know there are enough out there. I believe in abundance and not scarcity. I find alot of my own female friends tend to have some of those qualities. Though, it doesn’t mean that I would date them. Don’t get me wrong, some of them are complete hotties too. I have a penchant for wanting to be around pretty girls. And that’s another post for another day as well.

I know Jen once asked Chris as to why I have “throngs of female friends, but never date them.” So hopefully, you now know the answer to that lingering question dear Though, I really do have to doubt that if I have that many female friends. I guess I’ll leave that up to others to decide.

But to find someone who can be good for me is a completely different realm. To find someone who can make me grow and become a better man requires that she has certain qualities that can bring that out in me. If a girl can be with me or even walk away and know that she grew as a person, then I know that it wasn’t a complete waste of time for her to be with me. I know that I have certain qualities about me that brings out the best in certain girls. Not all girls, but some.

That was partly the reason why I created my own list of qualities in that special someone. It helps keep me on a straight and narrow path with some room to wiggle every now and then. I know that list will change and evolve over time, but it’s a good start.

Far be it for me to tell anyone whom they should be with. But certainly some introspection and self-awareness of ourselves would help us as we continue to flip through the endless pages of options

Found this video by 38 Special and it’s called Second Chance. This is way back in the day. But definitely poignant as many of us try to give ourselves a second chance in dating.

There is a growing perception amongst my circle of friends and acquaintances that I am a “player” of sorts. I’ve also gotten “ladies man” as well. Boy- nothing could be further from the truth.

I started to really notice this disparity on my most recent birthday celebration. I looked at the list of people that I invited and those who came and it was a lot of women. I think the straw that broke the camel’s back was when one of my business friends, Rick Dassler, came to my birthday dinner with his wife. Apparently, she told Rick that she thought I was some sort of player because I had nothing but hot girls on my end of the table. And then there is Jennifer who once asked her boyfriend, Chris, as to why I have throngs of female friends around me all the time. And of course, Tammy had commented on my Life Last Year Video that a lot of the pics in the video were of me “hugged up” with other girls. And the comments and perceptions just go on and on.

I suppose there are far worse things that one can be called so I’m not really complaining.

But I really do wish I had more guy friends.

All the guys that were at my birthday celebration were all taken as well. Chris has a girlfriend. So does Ed, though we’re not that close. But he’s a fun guy to have around. Rick and Tak are both married so I can’t really spend that much time with them.

I started to look at the traits that they all had in common and I realized that perhaps that is also the one quality that I like in my guy friends. All four of them are sociable, intelligent, and sophisticated guys. They all have different personalities in their own right, but otherwise, they are all a good catch. I could vouch for any one of them.

But I look at my female friends and I realize they all have the same traits as well. Christa, Neusa, Marinel, Estella, Sharon, and the list go on and on. Most of my female friends are pretty sociable, sophisticated and intelligent. And so I realized why there was a disparity in my guy to girl friends ratio.

Relatively speaking, girls in general, tend to be more sociable creatures. This has to do with their upbringing and environment. I’m not going to go into that but just trust me on that one.

I never considered myself a sociable person. Hence the tagline in my blog, “extroverted introvert.” I’m naturally an introvert but try to be more extroverted and outgoing. People say that I’m very sociable so I guess I’ll just accept that.

I used to wonder with as many people that I meet why I couldn’t make more guy friends. And I just realized that it isn’t always me but it’s usually some of these guys. Some of these guys aren’t that sociable. They have no personality. And some aren’t that interesting to begin with.

A female friend and I were talking the other day and she was saying that there are just certain people that she wouldn’t necessarily invite into some of her social circles. When you first hear her say it, you may think that she might be snobby. But the more thought that I give it, the more I realize she is right. I do the same thing. Others tend to do the same thing as well. We tend to associate ourselves with people with whom we know, like, and trust.
Birds of the same feather flock together.

So when it comes down to it, I just have more female friends because the qualities that I look for in another friend tends to be something that some girls have more than guys. At least I think that is the case. But hey, I’ve been known to be wrong before. I’m certainly hoping that I can be wrong here as well. Of course, honesty, fun, and loyal are also qualities that I look for in friends.

I do admit that I love the company of a pretty girl. I don’t just mean in terms of looks though. There are a lot of attractive girls who bore the heck out of me. Looks alone don’t go far with me. But pretty girls who have substance is always icing on the cake with me.

But I also realize that friendship with the opposite sex can be fragile at times. So it’s always good to go back to the guys. But then again, friendships with guys can be fragile at times as well. So who knows what to make of all of this.

———————————-

My heart is always there for you,
Especially when you’re sad and blue.

It bleeds for you,
In times of when you need to seek what’s true.

It longs for you,
When you’re away and it doesn’t know what to do.

It beats a million beats a minute,
Only to hope that you’ll always stay within it.

My heart knows no end,
And for you, it will always slightly bend.

My heart it must thou confess,
That to care for you is all it needs to be its best.

My heart feels something that it hasn’t felt in years,
It wishes there were more but for now, it cries with tears.

My heart sees the truth and loves you for who you are,
It knows no boundaries, whether you are near or afar.

My heart will not forget the impact you made in many ways.
It will always remember you from now till its dying days.

Because of you, my heart is simply inspired.
In so many ways, I have to come to admire;

The compassion and the kindness that you made me witness,
It will be with me in days of happiness and in sickness.

Thank you so much for sharing me your world.
It’s because of this that I reveal more of myself and become unfurled.

I care so much for you and without any restriction.
I say this out loud and say it with conviction.

To have tried any other way could not have worked for me.
To have tried any other way would have been blasphemy.

I believe you when you say you have a good heart.
It’s because of this that I care so much and didn’t want for us to be apart.

Thank you for all that you’ve done for me and my heart.
I’m sorry to have hurt you and for this, I must now depart.

Goodbye.

With love and affection,

Dean

I just realized that I’m partly responsible for 5 matches amongst my friends. Wow- I’m pretty damn good. It’s like if you just hang around me for awhile, good things are bound to happen.

First we have;

Chris and Jen. They both met each other on the whitewater rafting trip. Of course, it was Lin who helped organized it with Tammy so maybe Lin should take some of the credit. Nah- that’s ok. I’ll take the credit away from her. But I was the one who started the infamous and 2nd little bonfire which was responsible for forming the clique between Christa, Chris, Kristen, Jen, Jean, and James.

Funny that Chris didn’t understand my supposedly complicated logic for starting a 2nd bonfire. There was a point where he was so frustrated with me and my insistence to start a 2nd bonfire, that he threatened to get violent on me. I’m glad he had the wisdom to not get violent because you can’t have a tall black guy getting violent on an asian guy. That just doesn’t make for good race relations. Not to mention that he probably would’ve been hung considering we were out there in red neck, West Virginia.

He should be thanking me profusely right now for having the vision to start the 2nd bonfire. Those two need to be tithing 30% of their monthly income to me as a form of gratitude.

Mo and Kristen. Those two met on the Whitetail trip that I had organized. Of course, they didn’t ask each other out then but they eventually did hook up with each other. I’m glad. They look kinda cute together in a sarcastic “let’s bust on Dean’s balls” sort of way. Grrghhh. When they go beyond the first three months, I will be asking for 30% tithing as well.

Estella and Mark. Hmmm…sadly, they broke up a couple months later. But they did meet at the Halloween party that I helped hosted so I’m going to take credit for them meeting. I’m not responsible for any break-ups though. That’s not part of my contract. I can’t ask for tithing since it didn’t go past 3 months. If Estella was a real friend, she would’ve prolonged the relationship for another month or two so I can at least recoup some of my costs.

Jane and Mike. I hosted a Thai dinner event where they both met. Strangely, they didn’t really talk much to each other at that time. But something happened on the way to heaven and they both started dating each other and things got hot and heavy. So much so that I find myself texting productivity tips to Jane to ensure she doesn’t lose focus and maintain her productivity during the course of the day even when you-know-who is texting and emailing his affection 24/7. Focus, Jane, focus. Expect a contract in the mail in 3 months that references my tithing pricing structure. Please make checks payable to my umbrella company, “Dean Can Match Inc.”

Ed and Deanna. Okay, this one is a stretch, but I’m responsible for this too. So basically, I helped and was one of the active organizers with the 20s/30s meetup way back when. I helped Jared sustain the group for a while and was especially responsible for the protocols for the big happy hours we had with getting it organized and such. The big monthly HH was the main staple to the group. Eventually, JT spun off the Asian version of the 20s/30s group which became successful as well. And then one day, some organizer decided to host a bowling event where those two met. So if it wasn’t for me helping the original 20s/30s group and the eventual spin-off, then Ed and Deanna never would’ve found each other.

I won’t be asking Ed for any form of tithing because quite frankly, Koreans are too cheap to tithe. I’m not even sure if there is a Korean word for tithing?

Believe it or not, we’re all responsible and contribute to each other’s successes and sachi in life (in Japanese, sachi means happiness. Now you know how I named my business). I just happen to make a bigger a contribution than most. And now I want my fair share of the pie in the form of a tithe. Pay up folks.