What is irony? Irony is when the toughest people in the world are also sometimes the most sensitive in the world. That’s irony.

I would never ask anything of you that I myself cannot give back in return. I can only meet you halfway. I’ve tried so hard to the point that I can no longer try any harder and have to walk away.

For 2 hours, I can do what I want against whoever I want. It’s where I can let out my pent up anger that I keep bottled up during the course of the day or the week. Any hurt, frustration, or dissapointment I’ve incurred gets let out here.

When I have that ball in my hand, I feel the power that may have been taken away from me from someone else. I know when my defender is weak against me. I know when I see vulnerability. That’s the opportunity that I’m looking for. That’s when I attack and make him pay. To make him regret taking me on.  I want to let you know that my day was tougher than yours and I’m going to show you by exerting my will on you. I want you to know that you were wrong for prejudging me and I’m going to make you pay by blowing right past you.

When I bring that ball up court, I’m the leader on the floor. That’s my mindset. I direct traffic. I’m the general. I’m in charge. You want me, come get me.

The more aggressive my defender becomes, the more aggressive I become.  I want that ball in my hand as much as possible. It’s when my feet are dancing and I’m herky jerky against the defender that I know I am at my best and he can’t stop me. I see weakness in his defensive stance because he can’t figure out which direction I’m going. I got him.

When he goes straight up against me, I make the decision to go straight at him. If he defends me too tight, I make him pay with a spin move. Whatever it takes to let him know that this moment is mine and he won’t take it away from me. I need it more than he does.

This is where I go to find my solace. To find peace away from all the daily distractions and frustration I have with people. It’s my two hours away from any hurt I’ve incurred. This is my refuge from the world.

1. Don’t put her on a throne and treat her like a princess. This is especially true during the early phase of dating. Some women have a good head on their shoulders and learn to take that sort of princess treatment in stride. But others end up getting spoiled by that sort of treatment and end up taking advantage of you. If you do it too much, she’ll run all over you.
2. Don’t ask her out over text message. Women want to feel wanted and best to ask over phone. Email is sort of a grey area with some folks. I blame the proliferation of web technology, social media, and Generation Y for this type of behavior. It’s so impersonal. Dating and romance is anything but.
3. Don’t break up with her over text message. It’s a cowardly thing to do. Grow some balls. She deserves some level of closure and a reason why.
4. Don’t let her get away with everything. I once met a girl at a singles event who said that that she wanted a guy who would put up a fight with her in the beginning, but in the end, she wanted him to let her get away with everything. You can’t imagine how much I was holding back inside when I heard her say that. Accountability is key in a relationship. If she does something wrong, let her know about it.
5. Don’t get all clingy with her especially in the beginning. I never understood what women meant by this until I was at a singles event. I saw quite a few guys just hanging around these girls whom they just met at the event. It was obvious to me by the girls’ body language that they wanted them to go away. True power is not approaching a woman but learning when to walk away from a woman.
6. Don’t call her 3 times a day if she hasn’t responded yet. I’ve heard stories of guys asking a girl out and when she doesn’t respond back within a few hours, he would keep calling back. It makes you look like a stalker amongst other things.

What else?

Last night at my birthday dinner, I performed a simple exercise to show appreciation for a cast of characters that I call friends. Most birthday parties are usually about making the birthday person the center of attention. I wanted to do the opposite and for a few minutes, make each person the center of attention instead. But more importantly, I wanted to get a point across.

I had thank you cards being distributed to each friend. Before the dinner, I had written several qualities or a compliment on each card that I had of each friend in attendance. I then shuffled the cards and made sure that each person would be handed a card that wasn’t addressed to that person. I would then have them go around the table and read the card they were handed out loud. Everyone had to guess who the content of the card was addressing. It was fun seeing everyone trying to figure out who I was saying nice things about on each card. Of course, I realized how bad some of my friends’ power of deduction is as well. But I won’t name names.

People were genuinely impressed that I would take the time to do this on a day that was reserved for me. You may, as they did, wonder why would I do this? Because I’m a nice guy? Because I was trying to be creative? Well, not really.

You see, I had given a lot of thought as to what I had accomplished for my 30th year. As I previously said, my 30th year was my best year. I accomplished many a things that were important to me personally and professionally. And there is much more that I have not accomplished yet.

But it is also with sadness, that I look back at my 30th and realized that I lost several friends who are no longer around. I accept some of the responsibility for that. But as I always say, any relationship is a two-way street and personal responsibility must always be shared.

I realized that I should no longer focus on those that are no longer around. Instead, I should focus on some of the newer and stronger friendships that I had built and had shown up last night.

I suppose that’s one of my greatest strengths that I had come to realize of myself. It’s not so much that I have strong relationship management and networking skills but it is that I am never satisfied. I am always interested in meeting new people and developing new relationships of all kinds. I am always in search of the new cast of characters.

Which leads me to the point that I wanted to get across last night in my speech. Most people don’t know what it is about me that makes me tick.  I can’t say I blame them. But if you understand the following point, then you’ll understand me to the core. You’ll understand my values. You’ll understand where I put my priorities. You’ll understand why I do everything that I do.

So while I did receive gifts last night, I also wanted to give the best gift that I know how to give- the gift of public acknowledgement and validation. That I cannot be where I am today without the friends I have made along the way. And I choose to acknowledge them publicly so that others may see the value they bring to my life.

How I value a friend is no different than I how I would value my girlfriend. I never believed in hiding my affection for someone or to keep it “just between us.” An amazing woman who embodies so many wonderful traits such as intelligence, ambition, humor, kindheartedness and more, should never be kept a secret. Why wouldn’t I want to let the world know about her?

But it doesn’t matter if it is a personal friendship, a professional relationship, or a romantic one. I would still want the world to know about you because of the value that I see in you. And that is how I choose to let others know; by spreading the word about you. I am your evangelist. That evangelism comes in the modern day role of “the connector.” It shows when I speak praise of you. It shows when I want to introduce you to another person. It shows when I invite you to something. It shows when I try to connect you to something or someone else.

Two years ago, I made a decision that my life would be lived as one big story. Because like any story, there is always a new chapter to be written, new sets of travels, and new cast of characters to meet along the way.

So on my 31st, I raise my glass and I make a toast; I look forward to the year ahead. This will likely be my most challenging year. Due to the goals and dreams that I want to achieve, I have no doubts that there will be some heartache, heartbreak, and setbacks along the way. No doubt. But this is the life that I have chosen for myself. This is the road that I decided to travel two years ago. So I hope some of you will join me for the travels ahead. I hope that I can be there for you as you would be there for me.

Let’s do this. Cheers.

I know that comes off rather narcissistic, and it’s not meant to be. I figure a nice compilation of comments from my friends and my peers is always a good pick-me-up. It’s always nice to be acknowledged and validated. Besides, I intend to aggregate all the comments as part of a flash animation that I’ll be using for the new personal website I’ll be developing. And of course, if you can’t comment, then just get me a nice gift card from either The Gap or Banana Republic and I’ll be happy as well

I did alot for 30. I grew alot as well. I met some wonderful people at 30. I think 30 may have been my best year yet. Seriously. But I also know there is alot that I haven’t accomplished yet. Some of the things that I did for 30 will help to set a foundation for all the things I hope to accomplish at 31 now. Here’s to my best year yet.

Is it that connection that contributes to our meaningful conversations? Or is it our conversations that contribute to our meaningful connection?

What was once thought to be lost has been found again. We pick up where we last left off. Every pause, every word and every meaning matters as much today as it did in years past.

Time has afforded us the wisdom that we once lacked. And it is time that has helped understand where we are now.

That passion for meaning is renewed again in our conversations. And our purpose is strengthened.

What was once lost in darkness is now shined upon again. A new discovery awaits.

Today, people are attracted to me.
That’s all I need to attract wealth and prosperity.
Today, my actions will dictate all of this.
It is all I ever needed to live a life full of bliss.

~Dean

Because these were all once denied to me, I thought how much of a misfortune it was to be in such ‘lacking’. But I now realize how much of a gift to have lacked these initially. It forced me to try harder.

That is why I have to try harder than most now. That is why I think more than most. That is why I plan more deliberately than most.

This is a great gift. Thank you God.

~Dean

There is a growing perception amongst my circle of friends and acquaintances that I am a “player” of sorts. I’ve also gotten “ladies man” as well. Boy- nothing could be further from the truth.

I started to really notice this disparity on my most recent birthday celebration. I looked at the list of people that I invited and those who came and it was a lot of women. I think the straw that broke the camel’s back was when one of my business friends, Rick Dassler, came to my birthday dinner with his wife. Apparently, she told Rick that she thought I was some sort of player because I had nothing but hot girls on my end of the table. And then there is Jennifer who once asked her boyfriend, Chris, as to why I have throngs of female friends around me all the time. And of course, Tammy had commented on my Life Last Year Video that a lot of the pics in the video were of me “hugged up” with other girls. And the comments and perceptions just go on and on.

I suppose there are far worse things that one can be called so I’m not really complaining.

But I really do wish I had more guy friends.

All the guys that were at my birthday celebration were all taken as well. Chris has a girlfriend. So does Ed, though we’re not that close. But he’s a fun guy to have around. Rick and Tak are both married so I can’t really spend that much time with them.

I started to look at the traits that they all had in common and I realized that perhaps that is also the one quality that I like in my guy friends. All four of them are sociable, intelligent, and sophisticated guys. They all have different personalities in their own right, but otherwise, they are all a good catch. I could vouch for any one of them.

But I look at my female friends and I realize they all have the same traits as well. Christa, Neusa, Marinel, Estella, Sharon, and the list go on and on. Most of my female friends are pretty sociable, sophisticated and intelligent. And so I realized why there was a disparity in my guy to girl friends ratio.

Relatively speaking, girls in general, tend to be more sociable creatures. This has to do with their upbringing and environment. I’m not going to go into that but just trust me on that one.

I never considered myself a sociable person. Hence the tagline in my blog, “extroverted introvert.” I’m naturally an introvert but try to be more extroverted and outgoing. People say that I’m very sociable so I guess I’ll just accept that.

I used to wonder with as many people that I meet why I couldn’t make more guy friends. And I just realized that it isn’t always me but it’s usually some of these guys. Some of these guys aren’t that sociable. They have no personality. And some aren’t that interesting to begin with.

A female friend and I were talking the other day and she was saying that there are just certain people that she wouldn’t necessarily invite into some of her social circles. When you first hear her say it, you may think that she might be snobby. But the more thought that I give it, the more I realize she is right. I do the same thing. Others tend to do the same thing as well. We tend to associate ourselves with people with whom we know, like, and trust.
Birds of the same feather flock together.

So when it comes down to it, I just have more female friends because the qualities that I look for in another friend tends to be something that some girls have more than guys. At least I think that is the case. But hey, I’ve been known to be wrong before. I’m certainly hoping that I can be wrong here as well. Of course, honesty, fun, and loyal are also qualities that I look for in friends.

I do admit that I love the company of a pretty girl. I don’t just mean in terms of looks though. There are a lot of attractive girls who bore the heck out of me. Looks alone don’t go far with me. But pretty girls who have substance is always icing on the cake with me.

But I also realize that friendship with the opposite sex can be fragile at times. So it’s always good to go back to the guys. But then again, friendships with guys can be fragile at times as well. So who knows what to make of all of this.