You Can’t Fix People. You Can Only Fix Yourself

Posted on | June 5, 2010 | No Comments

Got back into town and first thing on the list was to get on the phone and help a friend who was having relationship issues.

She was so frustrated and sad as she no longer had control of the situation. The guy needed time off to think about things. She wanted to stay “connected” with him and try to fix things. He wanted to fix her to some degree.

All I could do is really just listen. I had my own set of advice I could give but in these instances, I think most people already know what they need to do.

When it came for advice, I said the following to her; “You can never fix or help people. Control is merely an illusion. Whatever control you think you have or want to get back (cuz he walked away from her and she probably wished she reversed it), don’t bother.Consider this time off as a blessing. Use this time to better and improve yourself. That is all that you can do.”

Most people don’t change. They lack self-awareness to know what’s wrong with them. That’s partly the reason why most people have no business getting married. They’re too flawed. Marriage is a long term endeavor and requires people willing to commit to constant self improvement. Not only can most people not be able to commit to each other, they can’t commit to themselves.

Deep down inside, I know she knows what her flaws are and her guy had pointed them out to her. So much so, that it started to lower her self-esteem. I do see the same flaws in her that he does. But when she starts to feel bad, then one of two things need to happen;

She has to shape up and take his advice and fix herself
Or both need to go their separate ways

Use the time that you have when you’re single to constantly improve yourself. Become Mr or Miss Right yourself. Only then will Mr or Ms Right come into your life.

Don’t ever expect to fix people. You can’t fix them. You can only fix yourself.