31 Ways To Build A Network and Develop Social Currency

Posted on | October 12, 2009 | 6 Comments

Today, people look at me and will say something to the effect, “Yeah, Dean knows everybody.” Or “He’s connected.” I’ve never felt that way about myself.

I think we often see the end result, but we never see the journey itself. A little unknown fact about me is that I rebuilt an entire new network starting 3 years ago. Like some of you, I only had several friends left. And even with them, I felt like we were going in different directions. Thus began a personal journey for me to rebuild an entirely new network. When you think about it, that’s very scary. It’s not like we’re still in college and have ample opportunities to meet others within the same demographics. Things are alot tougher when you’re in the real world, as they say.

I don’t believe success in anything is ever by luck. It can come through a conscious deliberative effort. The following is a collection of things that I’ve done over the past several years to help me get where I am today.

Summer is gone and Fall is here. For many, it’s back to school or back to business. For me, this time of the year means we’re in the final stretch. It’s the fourth quarter. It’s the time I use to hunker down and focus on finishing the year with a bang, professionally and socially. A big part of ending the year with a bang is focusing on the relationships that matter the most. This means sustaining current ones but also building new ones.

Why did I write this?

I have several reasons why I wrote this:

It’s been in my head for at least a year and only now am I inspired enough to write it.
To offer inspiration and direction to anyone who wants to build or rebuild a social network. It is often said that in a crowded room is alot of lonely spirits. I live in a city where many people put up walls and barriers. Basically, it can be tough to make friends here…or so I’m told.
To dispel the myth to some of you know that the “connected” have always been connected. For most people, it’s simply taking a journey.

Much of what I say below may be common sense to many of you. But common sense isn’t so common nowadays, now is it? Feel free to forward this or even internalize it yourself.

Make a decision to no longer have excuses. (eg; too tired, no money, don’t know people at an event, etc…)
Follow up- 90% of people never follow up with others after an event.
Know that others are just as shy as you are. So take the lead on everything. Be a leader
Organize your own events or volunteer to be an assistant organizer for some social networking group
Use your preferred social networking site to stay in touch (eg; Facebook, Myspace)
Don’t burn bridges unless you absolutely have to.
Practice, practice, practice. Practice the art of conversation. Practice listening. Practice following up.
Show energy. The universe is energy. People are attracted to others who show energy.
Show initiative. Be the first to introduce yourself. Be the first to take the lead in a social setting.
Be consistent and persistent. Don’t worry if you didn’t make a new friend after 1 or 2 events. You have to keep doing it.
Be flexible. Certain types of events may not be for you. Be cognizant of that and attend events or outings that play to your strengths.
Be trusting. Nobody wants to befriend someone who can’t be trusted.
Learn to be funny. People like to feel good. That’s why we like hanging around people who are funny.
Reach out. Everyone has busy lives and sometimes you have to just pick up the phone and reach out to others. Every now and then I would just randomly call or email someone whom I haven’t heard from in 6 months. They almost always give me the time of day.
Have strong values. A friend once told me that my values is the ultimate filter and decides whom I let in or keep out of my personal network. I now understand what he means by this.
Understand that networking is a life long process. You can’t just do it for a couple of years and stop. People come and go in your lives and but you have to keep going.
Be optimistic. Nobody wants to be around a naysayer. Remember; like attracts like.
Be interesting. Have interesting hobbies. Develop interesting stories. People like to be around others who are interesting.
Connect. Once you have a robust network, start connecting and introducing people to each other. People like to be around others who are bridging relationships.
Give as much as you get. I don’t ask anything of another person that I myself cannot give to the relationship. Give as much as you get out of a relationship. In fact, give more than what you get.
Start with small talk, but finish with big talk. I hate small talk. I’m never good at it. But I can manage it to the point that I start talking more important things with that person. What’s big talk? My answer is anything that matters to that person. Dreams, adventures, and aspirations are common examples of big talk.
Be honest. For better or worse, I’m candid with most people. They may not always like what I have to say, but at least they have peace of mind knowing that if I have something to say to them, that I will say it to their face rather than be two-faced about it. Be honest and candid with others. Most of them will appreciate it.
Value loose relationships. Not everyone is going to be your next BFF. There is a lot of value in having loose relationships. These people may be able to provide your next job, make an introduction to your next significant other, or create value in other ways you haven’t thought of yet.
Be reliable. Nobody wants to be around someone who flakes out or doesn’t keep his or her word.
Be tolerant. Not everyone thinks like you or shares similar views. Learn to accept others as they are. Value the differences.
Be responsive. I do my best to respond to every email or phone call. If you have a habit of not getting back to people, you are essentially saying that you don’t value the other person’s presence. People will eventually notice and no longer reach out to you.
Say “Yes!” Jim Carey’s movie, “Yesman” taught a very valuable lesson- learn to say to be open to opportunities. Saying no too often means turning down opportunities. Not every opportunity will immediately reveal its benefits to you. Think of it as God’s way of testing to see how much faith you really have in the universe. Basically, be open-minded.
Give the benefit of the doubt. Most people mean well even if they don’t communicate it properly. I found the number one reason most conflicts occur in friendships or even romantic ones are those where one or both parties aren’t giving each other the benefit of the doubt. We all communicate differently. Learn to be understanding of the other person especially when they say something that may irk you. Most people mean well.
Get out of your comfort zone. It’s very tough to get out and meet complete strangers in any setting. But no one is ever gonna come to you. Realize that and keep going.
Picture them naked. That’s the saying they give to calm those speaking in front of a crowd. If you strip most people of their “superficial armor”, such as their clothes, how they look, and titles, you’ll find them to be just like you. They probably share the same dreams, aspirations, and goals like you.
One at a time. That’s one of my mantras. Like dating, I build my social network with one conversation at a time. One outing at a time. One person at a time.

Relationships are the currency that powers your personal economy. Use it wisely.

Category: Relationships

Comments

6 Responses to “31 Ways To Build A Network and Develop Social Currency”

David Tull
November 10th, 2009 @ 1:29 am

Greetings Dean,

You are on target. Times are tough and seemingly
getting tougher and networking is such an important facet for doing and creating new
business and social connections.

Thanks for that input.
Terri Holley
November 10th, 2009 @ 5:29 am

Great post, Dean. Thank you for sharing what was successful for you. Just curious…has online social networking enhanced your ability to build relationships offline? If so, how so?
Sean
November 10th, 2009 @ 6:50 am

Great advice. Now I just need to start using some of it!
Erica
November 10th, 2009 @ 8:51 am

Thanks for sharing. I’ll have to try to do better at the “small talk”, since I don’t particularly care for it. And, I never thought about valuing loose relationships. Makes perfect sense.
Ananda Leeke
November 10th, 2009 @ 5:21 pm

Great article. Not burning bridges, keeping loose relationships, and being tolerant of others are three key gems I have used in my life. They work. Thanks for sharing your list. I found it through Terri Holley.
Ellen Falck
November 30th, 2009 @ 10:09 am

I want to thank you so much for this post, Dean. I feel like you were talking specifically to me. It’s hard to feel like you’re the only one who is lonely in this big city. Sometimes I really hear the silence. I am confident and outgoing. Yet, here I am turning down all of these great opportunities to meet people because of the exact excuses you listed. You have really inspired and educated me today and I just want to say it is much appreciated.