Dean Dreaming

Lately, I have people (mostly girls) coming to me and saying that dating in DC is tough. Not surprising. It tends to be like this in most big cities.

In a big city like this, there is an abundance of options as to whom we wish to date or go out with. It’s both a blessing but also a curse to have this many options. Ever looked at the menu of The Cheesecake Factory? Big isn’t it? It’s a huge menu with endless pages of options. Having an abundance of options is often a paradox. It’s been referred to as the “Paradox of Choice.” When we are given this many options, we often cannot choose and our decision making process is made tougher. It’s supposed to be easier to choose because we have so many options, but it doesn’t turn out that way. We continue to flip through the next page, thinking that we’ll find something to settle on. And we just keep flipping and flipping and flipping.

Dating in DC is alot like that. We’re always looking for greener pastures. Christa mentioned the other day that she has friends who moved out of DC and into smaller cities and within a year or two, they were married. And overall, people just seem to be happier when they move out of DC. I can neither confirm nor deny those observations as I’ve lived here my whole life. But I can certainly understand the logic to it all. I know for a fact that there are some seriously unhappy and lonely people around here.

There is nothing wrong with looking for something better or “the one.” Problem is, that so few of us have given definition to what is “better” for us. More importantly, so few of us know what is good for us. I tend to have that view of many females that I run into (ducking for cover now). That’s a totally different post for another day as I don’t want to get too off topic but I meet alot of girls who can’t get their act together. This excludes any of my current female friends of course. *smiles*

I’ve learned, to some degree, that I’m not necessarily looking for someone who is good to me. I’m just looking for someone who is good for me. There is a world of difference in the two. I’m somewhat confident that I could find a girl who is relatively good to me, ie; treats me well, is kind, respects me, etc…Truth be told, it’s hard enough to find someone who can be that to me. But I know there are enough out there. I believe in abundance and not scarcity. I find alot of my own female friends tend to have some of those qualities. Though, it doesn’t mean that I would date them. Don’t get me wrong, some of them are complete hotties too. I have a penchant for wanting to be around pretty girls. And that’s another post for another day as well.

I know Jen once asked Chris as to why I have “throngs of female friends, but never date them.” So hopefully, you now know the answer to that lingering question dear Though, I really do have to doubt that if I have that many female friends. I guess I’ll leave that up to others to decide.

But to find someone who can be good for me is a completely different realm. To find someone who can make me grow and become a better man requires that she has certain qualities that can bring that out in me. If a girl can be with me or even walk away and know that she grew as a person, then I know that it wasn’t a complete waste of time for her to be with me. I know that I have certain qualities about me that brings out the best in certain girls. Not all girls, but some.

That was partly the reason why I created my own list of qualities in that special someone. It helps keep me on a straight and narrow path with some room to wiggle every now and then. I know that list will change and evolve over time, but it’s a good start.

Far be it for me to tell anyone whom they should be with. But certainly some introspection and self-awareness of ourselves would help us as we continue to flip through the endless pages of options

Found this video by 38 Special and it’s called Second Chance. This is way back in the day. But definitely poignant as many of us try to give ourselves a second chance in dating.