Holy Crap. I’m a matchmaker!

Posted on | April 15, 2008 | No Comments

I just realized that I’m partly responsible for 5 matches amongst my friends. Wow- I’m pretty damn good. It’s like if you just hang around me for awhile, good things are bound to happen.

First we have;

Chris and Jen. They both met each other on the whitewater rafting trip. Of course, it was Lin who helped organized it with Tammy so maybe Lin should take some of the credit. Nah- that’s ok. I’ll take the credit away from her. But I was the one who started the infamous and 2nd little bonfire which was responsible for forming the clique between Christa, Chris, Kristen, Jen, Jean, and James.

Funny that Chris didn’t understand my supposedly complicated logic for starting a 2nd bonfire. There was a point where he was so frustrated with me and my insistence to start a 2nd bonfire, that he threatened to get violent on me. I’m glad he had the wisdom to not get violent because you can’t have a tall black guy getting violent on an asian guy. That just doesn’t make for good race relations. Not to mention that he probably would’ve been hung considering we were out there in red neck, West Virginia.

He should be thanking me profusely right now for having the vision to start the 2nd bonfire. Those two need to be tithing 30% of their monthly income to me as a form of gratitude.

Mo and Kristen. Those two met on the Whitetail trip that I had organized. Of course, they didn’t ask each other out then but they eventually did hook up with each other. I’m glad. They look kinda cute together in a sarcastic “let’s bust on Dean’s balls” sort of way. Grrghhh. When they go beyond the first three months, I will be asking for 30% tithing as well.

Estella and Mark. Hmmm…sadly, they broke up a couple months later. But they did meet at the Halloween party that I helped hosted so I’m going to take credit for them meeting. I’m not responsible for any break-ups though. That’s not part of my contract. I can’t ask for tithing since it didn’t go past 3 months. If Estella was a real friend, she would’ve prolonged the relationship for another month or two so I can at least recoup some of my costs.

Jane and Mike. I hosted a Thai dinner event where they both met. Strangely, they didn’t really talk much to each other at that time. But something happened on the way to heaven and they both started dating each other and things got hot and heavy. So much so that I find myself texting productivity tips to Jane to ensure she doesn’t lose focus and maintain her productivity during the course of the day even when you-know-who is texting and emailing his affection 24/7. Focus, Jane, focus. Expect a contract in the mail in 3 months that references my tithing pricing structure. Please make checks payable to my umbrella company, “Dean Can Match Inc.”

Ed and Deanna. Okay, this one is a stretch, but I’m responsible for this too. So basically, I helped and was one of the active organizers with the 20s/30s meetup way back when. I helped Jared sustain the group for a while and was especially responsible for the protocols for the big happy hours we had with getting it organized and such. The big monthly HH was the main staple to the group. Eventually, JT spun off the Asian version of the 20s/30s group which became successful as well. And then one day, some organizer decided to host a bowling event where those two met. So if it wasn’t for me helping the original 20s/30s group and the eventual spin-off, then Ed and Deanna never would’ve found each other.

I won’t be asking Ed for any form of tithing because quite frankly, Koreans are too cheap to tithe. I’m not even sure if there is a Korean word for tithing?

Believe it or not, we’re all responsible and contribute to each other’s successes and sachi in life (in Japanese, sachi means happiness. Now you know how I named my business). I just happen to make a bigger a contribution than most. And now I want my fair share of the pie in the form of a tithe. Pay up folks.